EP17: Turning Hate Into Love & Other Magical Things w/ Eryn Eddy of SoWorthLoving.com
“A lighthouse doesn’t choose the ships it brings to safety, and neither do we.” says the joyful ray of light, Eryn Eddy. In this episode we discuss our connection to our inherent worth, our struggles, and being a light in dark places. We talk about how to communicate our hearts and realize our inherent worthiness. Plus we chat about getting clear on our definitions of “worth” and “worthy”, doing things imperfectly, all the things accountants don’t want us to do, coming to terms with our “shadow” sides, and sharing toothbrushes with strangers.
Be sure to tune into this fun episode!
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
- The best numberless scale available: Shapa Scale! Use the code LESSALONE50 for $50 OFF your Shapa Scale PLUS get FREE shipping!
- Broomfield, Colorado Therapist: The Kali Institute Free Online Workshop
- @SoWorthLoving on Instagram
- Eryn Eddy’s YouTube singing videos
- So Worth Loving’s Resources
- 6-Step Roadmap To Instant Connection
P.S. Be sure to Rate, Review and Subscribe to the podcast in your favorite podcast player!
[0:00:00.6] ERIN LINEHAN: The contents of this show are for educational, informational and entertainment purposes only. Any information on the show does not create a client-therapist relationship and should not be taken as professional advice. Before making any decisions regarding your healthcare, ask your personal physician, or mental healthcare professional, or call 911 for any emergencies.
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[0:00:21.5] AMY MOORE: We are three friends exploring connection. From the coffee shop to the podcast studio. I’m Amy.
[0:00:21.5] AMY MOORE: We are three friends exploring connection. From the coffee shop to the podcast studio. I’m Amy.
[0:00:26.6] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I’m Anna.
[0:00:27.6] ERIN LINEHAN: I’m Erin.
[0:00:35.1] AMY MOORE: Hey, Anna.
[0:00:35.6] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah?
[0:00:36.1] AMY MOORE: You know, Erin’s a pretty badass therapist, right?
[0:00:38.5] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Oh, I totally know. I just take notes when she’s talking.
[0:00:42.1] AMY MOORE: Me too. Some of our audience does as well. Did you know that there’s also a place that you can get information directly from her?
[0:00:52.9] ANNA NEWELL JONES: On her website, right?
[0:00:53.6] AMY MOORE: Yeah. Didn’t you do it?
[0:00:55.2] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah.
[0:00:55.9] AMY MOORE: Tell us about it.
[0:00:56.6] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah, so there’s all these free workshops that they’re offering. At thekaliinstitute.com, you can sign up for those. K-A-L-I is how you spell Kali and then Institute, thekaliinstitute.com.
[0:01:09.1] AMY MOORE: Get it done.
[0:01:10.9] AMY MOORE: All right, everybody. We’re back in the studio. It’s great to be here. We have a great special guest on today, Eryn Eddy, with So Worth Loving. We’re so happy you’re here, Eryn. Welcome.
[0:01:26.5] ERYN EDDY: Oh, thank you for having me. I’m so excited to be a part. I’m so excited. I’m honored. I’m honored.
[0:01:33.5] AMY MOORE: Oh, well, thank you. We feel the same. Anna is just going to tell us a little bit, like how did you find Eryn, online or, I don’t know.
[0:01:40.1] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I’m not really sure how. I stumbled across your profile, Eryn, on Instagram. I was like, “What is this positive beam of light? I need to follow her. I love this message, the So Worth Loving message.” I actually have my So Worth Loving t-shirt on. It’s a smiley face that says, “Love You, Love People.”
[0:02:01.6] AMY MOORE: That’s awesome.
[0:02:02.3] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I had to wear it in honor of our interview.
[0:02:04.6] AMY MOORE: I’m going to take a quick picture of that.
[0:02:07.2] ERYN EDDY: I need to see this.
[0:02:09.9] AMY MOORE: It’s awesome.
[0:02:11.0] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I got four hours of sleep last night, so I’m not looking too photogenic, but Amy’s got it.
[0:02:16.3] ERIN LINEHAN: The shirt looks really good.
[0:02:18.3] ANNA NEWELL JONES: The shirt looks amazing. I love the shirt.
[0:02:21.4] AMY MOORE: Picture taken. We will post it.
[0:02:23.5] ERIN LINEHAN: We will post it.
[0:02:23.8] ANNA NEWELL JONES: No.
[0:02:24.8] ERIN LINEHAN: We’ll send it to you at least.
[0:02:26.1] ANNA NEWELL JONES: We might crop my face out.
[0:02:27.4] AMY MOORE: No.
[0:02:30.1] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah. I feel like the more I learned about you and your story and just what you have done with something, turning a maybe unsavory situation into a positive – obviously, we want you to get into the details of the background of how So Worth Loving started. I just think of you as such a ray of light in spreading such a positive message that so many people need to hear. It’s absolutely vital. I just knew we had to interview you and just talk about this and how you have done this and why.
[0:03:05.7] AMY MOORE: Let’s hear it.
[0:03:06.6] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah, so that’s –
[0:03:08.3] AMY MOORE: Yeah. Eryn, what is – it’s funny, because we have two Erins.
[0:03:14.6] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, we’re curious about your Y, Eryn.
[0:03:15.9] AMY MOORE: I know. We have –
[0:03:16.9] ERIN LINEHAN: About the Y in your name, because I have an I.
[0:03:19.1] AMY MOORE: Right, we have Erin with –
[0:03:20.1] ERYN EDDY: Y right there.
[0:03:21.5] AMY MOORE: Yeah. Anyway, can you tell us and our listeners, our community all about your background and how you started your – it sounds like it was originally a blog and then grew from there? We would love to just hear about your story?
[0:03:40.7] ERYN EDDY: Yeah, absolutely. Well first off, real quick about the Y situation y’all. It’s so funny. I switched schools a lot when I was in elementary school. I got diagnosed with ADD, young age, repeated fifth grade. I was just terrible at school. My mom kept trying to find a school that was able and willing to work with my attention span. Every time I switched schools, I guess my mom decided to make it a fun game of changing my name. Okay, let’s make it fun that you’re changing schools. She’s like, “Do you want to go by your middle name at the school?” I’m like, “Yeah.”
I went by Alexandra for a while. Then I’d switch schools again and she was like, “Do you want to change your spelling of your name?” I was like, “Sure.” Then we changed the spelling of my name and it’s great to Eryn with a Y. Ever since then, I kept it, with Eryn with the Y. I was not born. I feel like a fraud. I was not born Eryn with a Y. We changed it in 5th grade when I had to repeat this grade. I think my mom was like “New identity.” That just shows where I came from, it’s like new identity, reset the land. We’re making it through.
[0:04:53.3] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Reinvention.
[0:04:53.7] ERYN EDDY: We’re changing our name to a Y.
[0:04:56.7] AMY MOORE: That’s so cool.
[0:04:56.6] ERIN LINEHAN: That’s a great story.
[0:04:57.8] AMY MOORE: That is cool.
[0:04:59.0] ERYN EDDY: This area gets a little bit more of my backstory with So Worth Loving. I had no idea really what I wanted to do with a career. I didn’t know really what my purpose was. I knew my calling would always be in and will always remain no matter what job title I have, is to be a light in dark places.
I had prayed that prayer since I was in middle school. In high school, I really wrestled with what it was. I went through everybody with very academically-driven and I wasn’t really good at academics and I didn’t go to college. I didn’t want to go to college. I was just floating around for a little while. I thought, “Well, it will be revealed to me.” You just put one foot in front of the other and you explore your giftings and your skills. That I actually begged this non-profit. I asked them if I could work for them. I really liked the impact that they were making and I believed in what they were doing.
They hired me and I did all the grunt work. I did data cards. I did the spreadsheets, which I’m terrible at spreadsheets. I had to actually Google and YouTube to know. I was like, “Oh, I totally can do it.” Then I was like, “I have no idea what I’m doing.” Just that and then they kept trusting me and then realizing, “Oh, wow. This girl is not good at spreadsheets. Let’s figure out another place for her in the company. She’s so nice, so we can’t fire her.” Figure another place off. There’s more sympathy.
Then I started doing art direction. I led a team of graphic designers. I was a part of their web and print marketing strategies and then started doing video production. While I was doing that and I was really thriving in that and I loved it, that was when I realized I love storytelling in different mediums; print, web, video, photography. I just love being able to communicate heart through that and translate it for another person.
While I was doing that, the CEO, we were all at dinner and he just asked me. He was like, “Eryn, what do you want to do? Sky’s the limit, what do you want to do?” I couldn’t answer it. I think I was 22 when he asked me that. I was young. I’m like, “Uh, you know, I don’t know. I thought I’m doing it working here.” I questioned like, “Are you wanting me [inaudible 0:07:31.9]?”
[0:07:33.1] ANNA NEWELL JONES: You’re all, “And I passed.”
[0:07:36.6] ERYN EDDY: Yeah. What will make me pass this question? I can’t Google it right away. I thought, “Man, if I’m honest, I love music.” I’ve been singing since I was 15. I thought, “Well, if I really wanted to be honest and vulnerable, which I think all of us can attest to,” we don’t dream big enough, because I think we’re scared of the vulnerability of expressing it. Then I we’re scared of the potential of it never coming true enough, breaks our heart. We would rather not admit it and not pursue it, or pursue safety and security, because we can control that. We can’t control our big dreams.
I learned that I feel with music. I was like, “Man, if I’m honest, I want to do music.” I felt I was old then, because music industry, you have to be 12 to – pop music, right? I started pursuing music and I started licensing my music in television shows. At the time I was married and I knew tour life would totally probably wreck our relationship, because I was newly married. I was like, “Well, I’m going to figure out how to make music happen without doing that.” That’s when I got really involved with social media, at the time was baby stages of social media, compared to the monster it is now.
I started pursuing my music. That started getting some momentum and I started licensing it to television shows and contracts with VH1 and MTV and Oxygen channel. Then from there, I wanted to create product for people that supported my music. I wanted it to be a gift to them. I wanted to create something and a belief that they are valuable and they’re worthy of love and acceptance.
I was working as an art director by day, musician by night and then trying to build my music, or something by night that meant – I guess, bigger than me and bigger honestly than my music. I decided maybe I’ll do a t-shirt, like a fan merch or something. I was like, “Well Eryn, you can’t really – who’s going to buy?” Do you really have enough fans that would buy product? I have no idea.
What I’ll do is since I don’t want to spend money on the inventory of it, maybe I’ll be crafty and I’ll create a craft or something that I could do with t-shirts that are just a social experiment. I put my home address on my music blog. I said, “Mail me your shirt and I’ll spray paint a message on it that you’re worth loving and I’ll mail it back to you for free.”
[0:10:32.9] AMY MOORE: Oh, cool.
[0:10:33.9] ERIN LINEHAN: That’s so beautiful.
[0:10:36.9] AMY MOORE: That’s awesome.
[0:10:39.7] ERYN EDDY: That’s what I did. I said, “Mail me your shirt, I’ll spray-paint You’re So Worth Loving,” with cardboard stencils from Hobby Lobby and fabric spray paint that I got and let’s see what happens.
[0:10:53.4] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Wow. People loved them, I guess.
[0:10:55.7] ERYN EDDY: Yeah. I mean, I started receiving all of these strangers’ shirts. I thought they’d be my friends, or my mom, but it ended being people from all over the world that wanted to carry this message. They would mail me their – they would write a letter of why they struggled with believing they’re worthy of love. They’d e-mail us their story.
When I started getting stories I thought, “Oh, my gosh. This is a message that’s needed. I feel I’ve been living under a rock, or in a bubble to think that.” I mean, I have struggles in my life, feeling unworthy of love, but I never really identified it from me. I was able to see it and identify it for other people before I could do it myself.
It wasn’t until I started seeing people being very honest about their circumstances in life that I started being really honest in my circumstance in my life and why I struggle with it, which was really powerful. I did that for eight months, spray painting and then I wanted to launch some t-shirt company after that. [Inaudible 0:12:05.1] was getting tired.
[0:12:06.9] AMY MOORE: Yeah. How many t-shirts do you think you got? Then would you pay for the postage? I wouldn’t –
[0:12:13.0] ERYN EDDY: Yeah. I did. I paid for postage. I was like, “If you want to put $5 in, you can, but no pressure.” People would put $5, or $10 for postage. Or I would just do it out of my own pocket.
[0:12:29.6] ERIN LINEHAN: Did you get any from out of the country?
[0:12:31.7] ERYN EDDY: I did. Yeah. Our first one was from New Zealand. New Zealand, Ireland and Australia. That was when I was like, “Wow, this is so – This needs to be everywhere. It’s not just a state.” It needs to be everywhere, because everybody is made worthy. We are all worthy of love. We are made and crafted and created already worthy. I thought – well, I’d received probably a 100 shirts in that time period. Maybe a little bit more than that. I wish I would have kept track of the specific number. I was trying by the seat of my pants, I guess.
[0:13:09.2] AMY MOORE: I bet.
[0:13:12.8] ERIN LINEHAN: I work as a therapist. This is the journey into self-love and people realizing this is like, that’s all the work that – you have all stuff that happens to people and that causes people to lose that in themselves. This is so good. I’m getting teary when you’re talking about it, because it’s so beautiful. Good job bringing that light to the world, because we need it –
[0:13:34.4] AMY MOORE: In fact, Erin was an I did a fist pump at one point.
[0:13:39.7] ANNA NEWELL JONES: When you were talking.
[0:13:40.9] AMY MOORE: Only wish you could’ve seen it.
[0:13:43.8] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, so good. That’s so good. I love it.
[0:13:47.5] ERYN EDDY: I love it.
[0:13:48.0] AMY MOORE: That’s awesome. Then, so you were spray-painting the t-shirts, mailing them back and then you’re like, “Okay, there’s some business opportunity here.” Is that’s where you went?
[0:13:59.8] ERYN EDDY: Well, not even yes and no. For me it was like, “Oh, wow.” People started asking me, “Hey, my girlfriend’s going through a divorce, or my friend just got out of rehab for her eating disorder,” or different circumstances. That’s either they use somebody, or they were going through. They didn’t want to mail – because it’s so annoying to go to the mailbox, or the post office. Being in line and then you’re like, “Oh.” Especially packages, right? Like, “Oh, I don’t want to go to the post office.” You’re like, [inaudible 0:14:30.6].
People were being like, “Hey, can I just buy a shirt with this message? Because I don’t have her shirt. I don’t know. I don’t have one of her shirts.” Sometimes people would actually mail me brand new shirts with the tag on it that they just bought at [inaudible 0:14:50.5], Victoria’s Secret. I remember, we don’t take Victoria’s Secret, because we accidentally messed up a shirt that was from Victoria’s Secret. We went to the store and they happened to have it, so we could replace it, because we messed it up.
[0:15:04.8] AMY MOORE: Oh, my gosh. What a labor of love. That’s incredible.
[0:15:13.0] ERYN EDDY: It has been and it’s been that. It’s been more of a love than labor, but it’s definitely had a lot of labor. I guess, I wanted to – because people were asking to buy a shirt, it wasn’t so much that I thought, “Oh, this is going to be a booming business.” It was more like, “Oh, my gosh. People want to buy a shirt. They need it. They need it to help somebody.” Well, then we need to screen print a shirt to help them. That was probably more of my thinking.
That was when I decided to screen print a small batch of shirts, like 5 mediums, 10 smalls, or 13 larges, just small quantities. Then also, I didn’t know what sizes to stock. I was just so new to doing t-shirts in that world. My parents, they manufactured furniture for over 40 years, so I had that entrepreneurial blood, I guess and resiliency to business and retail, but I didn’t know how to do apparel.
I decided, okay, well let’s screen print a few shirts and then let’s launch it on Cyber Monday, so that it will be an online store and that’ll be fun. If you don’t set a date, you’ll just keep trying to perfect it and perfect it and perfect it and then you’ll never put it out there. I just could’ve stayed out there and I told everybody that was happening and then I had to make it happen.
[0:16:39.1] AMY MOORE: Yes. That was the same with our first episode of this podcast. We’re like, “Just do it.” We’re going for release.
[0:16:48.6] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Just do it imperfect. Get it out there.
[0:16:51.9] AMY MOORE: Yes. Yeah.
[0:16:53.2] ERYN EDDY: That’s awesome. That’s awesome. You get it.
[0:16:56.1] AMY MOORE: Yes, exactly, exactly. Yeah, yeah.
[0:16:59.5] ERYN EDDY: That’s amazing. When did you guys decide to just not perfect and not stress over the perfection at it, but just go for it? Because that mean y’all are all – there’s so many different personalities and different perspectives and thoughts on that, I would imagine. Did you all just all meet up at the same – with the same feeling of let’s just do this?
[0:17:20.1] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Well, there was actually quite a bit of discussion about yeah, maybe we should scratch that episode one.
[0:17:24.9] AMY MOORE: Entirely.
[0:17:25.6] ANNA NEWELL JONES: It’s really bad.
[0:17:26.5] ERIN LINEHAN: It was rough. It was rough.
[0:17:29.1] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Then Erin was like, “You know what?”
[0:17:29.9] ERIN LINEHAN: Lots of giggles. Lots of giggles.
[0:17:31.4] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Oh, it was just a giggle fest. It’s hard to listen to.
[0:17:35.2] AMY MOORE: Yeah. I think, didn’t Anna, you heard someone told you that they people not to listen to the first episode?
[0:17:41.6] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah, my husband. He was like, “Yeah, skip the first one.”
[0:17:44.9] AMY MOORE: Yeah. I think that we all – I mean, all three of us have perfectionism in our blood. We were doing this training session. We got to the point where we had started thinking about all these other episodes and what we wanted to do, but we were holding back because we were getting stuck on the we were unhappy, or whatever these points were with the first one. Then it was just like – we just have to release, go, let it go, we’re not going to re-record. It’s way too much time. We want to keep moving forward.
[0:18:22.8] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I mean, I thought there were good things in there. It was just –
[0:18:26.5] AMY MOORE: Silly.
[0:18:27.3] ANNA NEWELL JONES: It was just super silly.
[0:18:29.2] AMY MOORE: That’s okay.
[0:18:29.6] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Which is fine. Then I think it’s fun to look back at those things that you do put out there imperfectly and just say, “Well, that was me being a beginner.” You can always redo and get better. Actually starting and putting things out into the world imperfectly, there’s a lot of power and just starting and beginning and doing. That was my argument for let’s just put it out there.
[0:18:57.5] AMY MOORE: Yeah. It’s good.
[0:18:58.6] ERYN EDDY: I think that’s so good. It’s so good.
[0:19:00.6] AMY MOORE: Yeah, it is. Okay, so you had your – the trials of your first product line, the shirts. Then what? What happened after that?
[0:19:12.7] ERYN EDDY: Then I started realizing how much I thought about So Worth Loving while I was at work. I –
[0:19:19.4] AMY MOORE: Oh, one quick question. How did that Cyber Monday go?
[0:19:23.9] ERYN EDDY: Oh, my gosh. It was so wonderful.
[0:19:25.8] AMY MOORE: Okay. It was successful. Yeah.
[0:19:27.9] ERYN EDDY: But 48 hours later, it’s like crickets. Everyone was like, “Yeah.” All spirited. You got your whole family onboard and your friends. Then you’ve exhausted them, because they’re like, “Okay, life moves on.” You’re like, “No, it doesn’t. This is now my life.”
[0:19:49.8] AMY MOORE: Relatable.
[0:19:52.8] ERYN EDDY: You’re like, “Why are you still sharing it?” Then you realize, that’s not fair for them.
[0:20:00.5] ANNA NEWELL JONES: You are now working for me.
[0:20:03.0] ERYN EDDY: Yeah, exactly. After that, it went really well. Then faded and there’s crickets. Then naturally was the momentum building. Then that happened. Then you start to get discouraged of like, “Do I do this? Can I do this sustainably?” I had a wonderful job. I love the company I worked for. It wasn’t like I was unhappy.
I loved what I did and I had a great salary, a great benefit, had health insurance, gym membership and then got to travel and explore my talents within the company and growing it. It’s a dream.
[0:20:46.6] ANNA NEWELL JONES: You were not doing the spreadsheets anymore.
[0:20:49.5] ERYN EDDY: I wasn’t doing the spreadsheets.
[0:20:51.5] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Living the dream.
[0:20:52.1] AMY MOORE: Or artistic director. It sounds dreamy. Yeah.
[0:20:55.2] ERYN EDDY: Right? I was loving it. At the end of the day, I just kept thinking about So Worth Loving more and more and people’s stories and how can we share? How can we share people’s stories for another person to see their story and that story and feel less alone? I just kept thinking that over and over again.
I decided to quit my job shortly after the store launched. It was probably a few months after I waited, because I – from spray painting to launching the store, that was eight months. Then I think after that, a few months after the store launched, then I quit my job. I look back in hindsight and I’m like, “I could have stayed. Honestly, I could’ve stayed.” At the time I was married and my ex-husband was – he was very supportive, and so he was like, “Clear it up. Let’s do this. Let’s do this thing.”
My accountant told me not to, but I [inaudible 0:21:50.6] not to. My accountant said, “Over my dead body are you going to do a retail store.” I was like, “Okay, cool. I’m going to go quit my job. Bye.”
[0:22:05.3] AMY MOORE: You did anyway.
[0:22:07.2] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Accountants are such a buzzkill sometimes.
[0:22:11.0] ERIN LINEHAN: That’s true.
[0:22:11.6] ERYN EDDY: Oh, my gosh. They’re terrible, but I love them.
[0:22:14.9] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Super helpful. Not good on the –
[0:22:20.6] AMY MOORE: Risk taking? Yeah.
[0:22:21.8] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah. Not the biggest risk takers.
[0:22:25.3] ERYN EDDY: No. Not at all. I was talking to my financial advisor the other day. We were talking about just goals. I said to him, I go, “Okay, so I want to buy a Sprinter van and live in it.”
[0:22:37.8] ERIN LINEHAN: Me too Eryn.
[0:22:41.0] AMY MOORE: You just got another fist pump.
[0:22:48.2] ERYN EDDY: He’s like, “Definitely not.” I’m like, “Next week then I could do that.”
[0:22:55.8] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Or I’m going shopping right now, getting and pick it out.
[0:22:58.2] ERYN EDDY: Yeah, exactly.
[0:23:01.7] AMY MOORE: That’s awesome.
[0:23:04.7] ERIN LINEHAN: Can I ask a question?
[0:23:05.5] AMY MOORE: Yeah.
[0:23:06.3] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah. Take it away.
[0:23:07.2] ERIN LINEHAN: When I was researching you and loving all the stuff that I was reading, you were talking about if you live your life with the belief that you are so worth loving, that your decisions are different. It sounds like even though your accounting, or your accountant is telling you these things, that you are doing things differently because you are living from this place.
What does that look like for you to live life differently? Because you’re holding this belief. When you’re having a good day and you feel good and you’re saying hi to people. Your interaction – at least my interaction with the world is very different. Then if I’m not feeling that way it’s like, the world reflects that. How’s that show up for you?
[0:23:46.3] ERYN EDDY: Gosh. What a great question. I’ve never been asked that and I love it. For me, it’s my definition of worth. My definition of worth and society’s definition of worth are two different things. I used to think that my definition of worth was based on – by the dictionary, its monetary value, it’s a metric, it’s a quantity, it’s a merit, it’s perfection, it’s way, it’s estimation, assessment. That’s what the dictionary says.
For me, I had to define what worth was and where I was finding it in. I knew that I couldn’t find it in my financial success, because that is an ebb and flow of difference. It’s a roller coaster, right? Financial. Relationships. Could be found in relationships, because that’s also ups and downs. I think that when we start to find our worth in the things that fluctuate, we’ll find ourselves fluctuating. When I started looking at the definition –
[0:24:47.9] ERIN LINEHAN: Oh, let’s get a pause for that. Let’s get a pause for that.
[0:24:50.3] AMY MOORE: That’s so good.
[0:24:51.1] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That was very good.
[0:24:52.1] ERIN LINEHAN: Let’s say that again, because that’s a good – it lands in the whole system. Can you say that again?
[0:25:01.0] ERYN EDDY: Yeah. When you find your worth in things that are fluctuating, that are going up and down, we will find ourselves going up and down.
[0:25:10.3] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That is so good.
[0:25:11.8] ERIN LINEHAN: Preach preacher.
[0:25:12.5] ERYN EDDY: Maybe all of the way, right? Yeah, I’ve traveled with it, y’all. I do. Because we’re human. Of course, we’re going to find our – We’re all constantly surrounded by in culture to find our worth in these other things apart from where we should find our worth.
When I looked up the definition worthy, which is interesting, the definition worthy is honor, respect, esteem, sufficient, deserving, good, invaluable, priceless, which is a completely different definition than worth. Isn’t that interesting?
[0:25:51.5] AMY MOORE: It is.
[0:25:51.8] ERIN LINEHAN: Super interesting.
[0:25:53.6] ERYN EDDY: Starting to acknowledge that you are worthy and you would live your life like you’re worthy. You live your life or respecting yourself and seeing where you find your esteem and knowing that you are sufficient and who you are created as and you know you’re invaluable and you live your life through that face of being invaluable and priceless, cherished, special. All of those words define worthy. Worth is the monetary value, or something measured by.
What are we measuring ourselves by? Then how do we know how to live our life through the lens that we are worthy of love? Being sufficient. We’re already sufficient. We’re created so unique and different and different perspectives and different genetics. Our DNA is just completely different. Our thumbprints, our fingerprints, they’re all uniquely different and designed, special.
I think when we start to acknowledge that, we know that our life isn’t going to look like her life or his life. It’s going to be special. I think sometimes we want to fit in this box of it being the same, because that seems if it’s the same as that person, that’s the good or okay. We have to define what good and okay is. It can’t be based off of another person’s story.
[0:27:10.3] ERIN LINEHAN: Is there something that you use as an anchor to pull you back to that? Because I think living in the world that we’re in, we get pulled through the – I guess, sometimes it’s hard to stick with that. Is there something that anchors you into that belief? A physical thing, or a sensation in your body, or does that make sense? Something that pulls you back when you got to get lost in the swirl of things?
[0:27:34.4] ERYN EDDY: Absolutely. Well for me, I think there’s a few things from a practical standpoint. I just have to constantly remind myself, if I start to feel anxious, or get anxiety about something. I have reminders on my phone that I schedule throughout the day that will pop up. They’re just – whether it’s prayers, or affirmation, or truth, speaking truth over me of what I believe about myself. I have those just as a consistency.
Also every morning, I have quiet time and I journal. I think journaling is some of the most – is one of the most powerful things that we can do for ourselves, because we get what is inside of us out and it doesn’t manifest in secret. I think when we suppress our feelings, it manifests inside of us and it creates more anxiety and weight and depression, and then to me what I don’t journal. I feel like I have a gravity blanket that I’m walking around [inaudible 0:28:30.2] where I go.
Then also, I would say too, I think for me it’s my faith and my belief in God. Faith is complete trust, steadfast and confidence and loyal. For me, finding that I know that God is loyal and he’s steadfast and he’s complete and trustworthy and confident, that he is complete in all of that.
I know I’m incomplete, not because I see it every day in my flux up and down. He keeps me consistent. I find it and talking with God and praying and journaling. Yeah, those are some of the things that keep me grounded and rooted when it’s really easy to feel dismantled, especially in life’s circumstances that throw you off, whether it’s a divorce, or a breakup, or to get fired from a job. All of those things feels just so devastating. They feel they’re a reflection on if we’re good or not.
[0:29:28.7] AMY MOORE: Yes. So true. We’ve all noticed in the research, or just following you that God plays a big role in your life. Is there a specific religion that you follow, or that you’re a part of?
[0:29:46.4] ERYN EDDY: Yeah. Yes. Great question. Yeah. I mean, yes, Christianity. What I think is interesting is that the word Christian is only used I think three times in the New Testament. I believe in Jesus and I believe in the Holy Spirit. I believe in God. I believe that my identity is found in God. Yeah, Christianity would be – you would say that Christianity would be my religion. To me, it’s not even a religion, but more of a relationship with Jesus than religion.
I think when we hear religion, we think rules and regulations. My relationship with Jesus is so free and loving. There’s a verse in Matthew that talks about are you tired and worn out on religion? I believe it’s Matthew 11:28, I think. It’s are you tired? Are you worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me. Watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. That is where I find my faith in, is that relationship right there.
[0:31:10.7] AMY MOORE: Good stuff.
[0:31:11.5] ERIN LINEHAN: Wow, good stuff.
[0:31:12.6] AMY MOORE: It’s so interesting to –
[0:31:14.7] ANNA NEWELL JONES: It’s so good.
[0:31:15.6] AMY MOORE: Yeah. Yeah. As a kid it, sounds like you understood that you had this calling to bring the light into darkness. Did that come to you from the way you were raised, or where did that come from at such an early – or how was that so clear?
[0:31:35.2] ERYN EDDY: Yeah. I think because that’s really interesting that you ask that. I still can’t pinpoint it, other than the fact that I think I’ve always been this little – when I was little, I was a little girl, I always had rose-colored glasses on. I just always thought, my mom was just like, “Bless this girl’s heart. Oh, wow. She’s so sweet and naïve.”
Then I found myself in hard circumstances and they never changed. I think, I definitely believe that my calling, being somebody that believes in God and the Holy Spirit and knowing there’s the fruit of the spirit. Fruit of the spirit is being kind and peaceful and loving and not easily angered. To me, that’s a calling. I knew that. I guess, my calling was just living by the fruit of the spirit, which is to be loving and kind. By doing those things, you are testaments to the light. For me, the light is God.
If the light is God, I can see it. I’d experienced it in my life. I’m just a representation. I’m the messenger, I guess, of what I’ve seen and feel in my life. I saw some darkness growing up. There’s been unhealthy relationships in my upbringing, not with my mom or dad, but just siblings and that were hard and that were dark. I still chose my glass half full, not half empty. I’m always been that way. I think my mom and dad – My dad has had a gnarly, crazy, rebellious – he went crazy before he met my mom.
[0:33:19.0] ANNA NEWELL JONES: It sounds like some good stories there.
[0:33:21.8] ERYN EDDY: Right? I know. I know. He was a hellion. He was just a rebel. Both my parents are just – my mom is a hippie. I came from free spirit, like you know, just explore your talents and never confined and never felt confined. Religion again was never – relationship with Jesus was in my upbringing, but never religion. I do think, because I was brought up in that, I fortunately got to see a beautiful relationship with God that is true and real. That was part of I guess, me understanding light and darkness.
[0:34:05.8] ERIN LINEHAN: I’m wondering in terms of the light and darkness, so if we look at that metaphor and go into the thick of some feeling stuff and the pain of things, but also you have this rose-colored view of the world and perspective, right?
How do those two things – how does that – because I feel for our lights to get brighter, we got to deal with all the stuff that we – shit that we felt, that have happened and then the feelings as a result. I’m curious about what that relationship is for you.
[0:34:33.3] ERYN EDDY: Absolutely. I think that acknowledging light and darkness in our life is self-awareness. I think there are certain parts of me, like my shadow sides, right? The things that aren’t nice.
[0:34:47.8] ERIN LINEHAN: Right. Not our favorite parts of ourselves.
[0:34:51.6] ERYN EDDY: They’re selfish, or they’re jealous, or gluttonous, right? A lot. Just never feeling satisfied, the appetite for wanting more, more, more. I’m a seven on the Enneagram.
[0:35:03.4] ERIN LINEHAN: Me too.
[0:35:07.4] AMY MOORE: You two have a lot in common.
[0:35:14.5] ERYN EDDY: Is this the same person that wants to buy a Sprinter van?
[0:35:16.2] ERIN LINEHAN: Me too. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Same vision. Come on.
[0:35:23.2] ANNA NEWELL JONES: All the first bumps.
[0:35:25.6] ERIN LINEHAN: See the enthusiast. See, that’s why you’re getting physical.
[0:35:30.0] ERYN EDDY: I love it. I think in order for me to understand the differences between the two, I’ve got to really understand what I’m prone to in my dark stuff, like the things – not carry shame and guilt, or judge it, but just acknowledge that it’s there. That’s awareness.
It’s like, okay, I know that I’m prone to these things. I know that I do these things that aren’t healthy for me, or aren’t healthy for other people. They’re not loving, they’re not caring, they’re not kind. I’m not going to shame and condemn myself.
I was talking to a girlfriend about that the other day, the difference between condemnation and conviction, right? Whether you believe in God or not. We still condemn our self. We still have condemning thought and we still have conviction.
For me, it’s light and dark. Dark is that check engine light of going, “Oh, these aren’t things that are good. These aren’t things that are loving to people. These aren’t things that are good for me.” Acknowledging that darkness.
When I think would you acknowledge it, again, it goes back to if you acknowledge it and you’re honest and you put it down or tell somebody, it doesn’t manifest in secret. Then it becomes darker and darker and grow bigger and bigger and bigger. When you bring it to the light, you actually experience more freedom, because you get to step into acknowledging it and seeking healing and reconciliation and rebuilding those parts of you that maybe you’ve swept under the rug and put in darkness and just kept it there.
I mean, I guess technically, this analogy would be sweeping things under the rug is putting things in darkness. Under the rug is dark, right? None of us have ever experienced like, “Oh, that’s a wonderful thing to sweep that under the rug.”
[0:37:14.8] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Let’s ignore that.
[0:37:15.4] AMY MOORE: So glad I did that for 10 years.
[0:37:18.6] ERYN EDDY: Right?
[0:37:22.6] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I mean, I guess it’s a survival with that.
[0:37:26.1] ERYN EDDY: I said, does that answer the question? I don’t know if that answers the question.
[0:37:28.7] ERIN LINEHAN: Yup. Yeah, yeah, totally. Yup.
[0:37:30.4] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah. I’m curious, Eryn. What are you the most proud of with your life, or what’s So Worth Loving? What part of it brings you the most pride, I guess?
[0:37:41.4] ERYN EDDY: I think what makes me the most proud would be that I’ve been consistent on – I guess, it’s specifically within my business. I’m proud that I’ve been able to maintain confidence in the company, no matter the amount of failures, setbacks, people pushing back, the consistency, because I believe in it so much.
I even went through a time where I thought I was going to close the doors and not do it anymore. I was proud that I didn’t find my identity also with the company too though, because I knew that if I didn’t do it, I would still do something where I was able to use my giftings to help people feel less alone.
There’s so many incredible organizations and companies out there that do that. I knew that if it wasn’t through So Worth Loving in the times of which I’ve experienced a lot of hardship in owning a small business, I would still be able to do it. I’m proud that I’ve not found my identity in the company, but I’ve also been consistent in fighting for it. It’s been really hard.
[0:38:53.8] AMY MOORE: Can you talk a little bit more about – I didn’t know that you were at a point of maybe shutting, closing the door. What was going on, if you’re okay talking about that?
[0:39:03.2] ERYN EDDY: Yeah. I had pride, if I’m honest. I had a lot of pride. I think I had a lot of selfishness that I can look back and say that. When I went through my divorce, that was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through in my entire life was the divorce. It was the most dismantling to my identity.
During that time through the divorce, I held on to my pride, because that was the only thing I thought I had. I was defensive. I spent too much money. I also acquired debt from the marriage and the business. I had a lot of heartbreak in the divorce. I didn’t know how to respond.
They say that you really know what is in your heart when it’s put under pressure. I learned what was in my heart. There were a lot of things I wanted, but then there were a lot of things that were good, but still my circumstances were terrible, so seeing both of those. When I went through the divorce, my status, every metric I found my worth in, right? Ironically. My relationship status, my financial status, my status in the community, all of these different things. To me, that’s why I say it’s just pride, because I was finding my – I was finding all of my value and all of those things.
When all of that was taken away, I didn’t know who I was. I was confused. I was heartbroken. I was mad. I was angry. I was blaming everybody. I was blaming me. Then I was mad at myself for self-abandonment. I mean, it’s all the ways, all the way that if you’ve gone through any breakup or divorce, you go through all of those things. You blame other people, or then you blame all yourself and then you just live under umbrella for a while.
When I was living under that umbrella, I was just like, “I can’t own So Worth Loving. I don’t even know if I believe in the message anymore. I don’t think I believe it.” Honestly, I think I had to be taken through that storm in order to understand it to a deeper level, than what I was seeing it as.
Yeah. When I went through that hard time, I was just exhausted emotionally and wasn’t in a good space. I thought, I think it’d just be easier to get a full-time job with benefits and not do this anymore. I’m so tired. I was making decisions based off of feeling, which I think we do. It’s like, if we don’t feel like it, then we don’t do it. That’s not why you choose. We always base all of our decisions on feeling. Man.
[0:42:00.1] ERIN LINEHAN: Trouble city.
[0:42:01.1] AMY MOORE: Watch out.
[0:42:04.2] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Lots of ice cream in the bachelorette.
[0:42:07.9] ERIN LINEHAN: Totally. Oh, my goodness.
[0:42:11.5] ERYN EDDY: That’s like grabbing blanket on your sofa and wine all the time.
[0:42:19.8] AMY MOORE: Ben and Jerry’s. Trouble.
[0:42:23.4] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Eryn, I’m curious. When have you been the most courageous in your life?
[0:42:28.3] ERYN EDDY: That’s a good question. In my life.
[0:42:32.3] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Just a little question for you. Just keeping it live through –
[0:42:35.9] ERIN LINEHAN: No big deal. No biggie.
[0:42:38.5] ERYN EDDY: Life because of that, I feel what I see. Dang. I think –
[0:42:43.8] AMY MOORE: I’d say going through a divorce is pretty darn courageous.
[0:42:48.2] ERYN EDDY: Yeah.
[0:42:49.1] AMY MOORE: Or whatever it is. I don’t know. It’s just hard. To come out on the other side not bitter. Or I don’t know, I would imagine.
[0:42:58.0] ERYN EDDY: Yeah. Causing healing. For me, I think facing myself, I – when I went through the divorce. First off, yeah, when I chose – I chose the divorce. Someone asked me at another podcast. They said, “When did you decide, or did you leave, or did they leave and when did you decide that it was time for you to leave?” I said, “Well, it depends on your definition of leaving.” I chose the divorce, but I felt my ex-husband left five years ago. It depends on that.
For me, it was definitely walking through it choosing that. People judging me and especially in the faith community. I had a lot of judgment, not from the church, but from our friends and our friends’ groups. That was really hard. I think the most courageous thing was me admitting that even though I can say there was a lot of wrong on his part to look inwardly and forgive myself after blaming a lot and facing some of the things that I know I did also. I think that stages.
Then I also think being resilient despite what other people speak over me, or judge me for and still pushing through and believing in myself after you’ve been knocked down. I think that is so hard.
[0:44:32.1] ERIN LINEHAN: During when all this happened, so I was reading that you’re writing a book about that feelings are okay, right? That’s the title of it?
[0:44:39.6] ERYN EDDY: Yeah, it’s keeps changing.
[0:44:44.1] ERIN LINEHAN: Did all of this – when did that book come about, or when did you figure out that you wanted to write it, or needed to get it out on the page?
[0:44:53.8] ERYN EDDY: Yes. Because when I went through my divorce, I decided to defy everything that I believed in before my marriage. Before my marriage, I was a good Christian girl, never made any mistakes. I mean, I made some and not really – didn’t have a wild past. Saved myself for marriage. I did all those religious type things, I guess you could say. Even though I wasn’t brought up in a religious household, I just did those things. I think after my divorce, I defied God. I didn’t believe in him. I was angry at him.
Then also, I was in this angry state. I also just chose – for me, my version of it, but if you compare it to other people stories, you know you would say, “Well, it wasn’t that crazy.” For me, it was against my moral code, right? Or hindsight. My esteem. I’ve seen earlier. When I went through it, I made a lot of decisions that were just not a reflection of me believing I was worth loving. They were destructive. I had a lot of people judge me for it.
What I wish that I would have had in that time period, I wish I would have had somebody – some of my friends not give up on me. And hey, these feeling that you’re feeling you’re okay. It’s what we do with them. I see that what you’re doing with them is because you’re heartbroken and you’re devastated, but they’re not your – it’s not truth, but it’s how you feel and that’s okay. I never had anybody really speak that over me, except for a few people started to. The people I was seeking validation from.
[0:46:28.3] ERIN LINEHAN: You can feel super lonely, I imagine.
[0:46:29.8] ERYN EDDY: So lonely. I felt so alone. I thought, “Man, if we all knew the shadow side of the fruit of the spirit, of peacefulness and kindness and love grace. If we all knew that those exist and cannot be scared of them and to know that they happen, I think we’d walk closer to living a more peaceful, loving, grace-giving, kind life, if we knew that the feelings we felt that were the opposite,” right?
[0:47:01.2] AMY MOORE: Yes. Yeah.
[0:47:02.9] ERYN EDDY: For me, that’s how it came about, because it was like I needed – I just needed somebody to go, “You’re okay. It’s okay that you feel that way.” I didn’t have many people do that.
[0:47:13.8] ERIN LINEHAN: It’s good stuff, Eryn.
[0:47:14.9] AMY MOORE: It is. Did you find anybody that you were able to get that connection from, or was there maybe one person, or was anyone really there to carry you through a little bit more?
[0:47:30.8] ERYN EDDY: Yes. It was all found in different places. What’s interesting, and I think this is why it was hard to accept or trust was that it was people that weren’t my immediate core group of friends.
[0:47:42.8] AMY MOORE: Yeah, interesting.
[0:47:44.3] ERYN EDDY: It was people that showed up in the mess, not people that have been a part of my life before the mess. I think that was where I was like, I just didn’t trust anybody, because I think I felt so betrayed from my ex-husband. Then I felt betrayed by people that had know me and judged me.
People that showed up out of the woodworks, it’s like, well, you’re going to get close and you’re going to think the same thing, all these people that were close to me did. Then those people proved differently. I have a few really amazing girlfriends just surround me. Then my mom and dad were incredible support.
[0:48:26.8] AMY MOORE: It’s great.
[0:48:27.7] ERYN EDDY: I had a few mentors and business mentors in my life that also reminded me of the truth of when I started. Because I think when you go through just a life altering experience, whether it’s death, divorce, breakup, career change, you need to have those people to remind you of who you are, when you feel like, “Oh, my gosh. I don’t think I know who I am anymore.”
[0:48:53.1] AMY MOORE: Right. Or like, “This is not really happening to me right now,” right? That total questioning, denial, all of it.
[0:49:01.4] ERYN EDDY: Denial. Shock, denial. Yeah. I needed to have somebody. I explain it like a tidal wave. You go out to the ocean and they’re like, “Be careful at the tidal wave. You never know if you’re swimming down, or sideways, or up. You can drown.”
[0:49:20.3] AMY MOORE: Totally.
[0:49:23.1] ERYN EDDY: Right? It is like life-altering experience. It’s like, you don’t know if you’re swimming down to the sand, sideways or up for air, or to the shore. You really don’t know where you’re swimming.
[0:49:32.3] AMY MOORE: Totally. That’s such a good way to explain it.
[0:49:35.9] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Swim parallel to the shore.
[0:49:40.9] ERIN LINEHAN: Are you doing anything with your music right now?
[0:49:44.4] ERYN EDDY: Okay, so I’m writing a book right now. I thought part of my book I want to create it a small EP based off the chapters.
[0:49:55.5] AMY MOORE: That’s a great idea.
[0:49:57.7] ERIN LINEHAN: That’s a great idea.
[0:49:59.2] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That’s cool.
[0:50:01.0] ERYN EDDY: I started getting back into singing again, for fun and playing around it. It’s just a love of mine I never wanted to die. Whether it goes somewhere or not, I just – I love it. It’s part of me. I come to life when I can sing. Yeah, I hope to release that. That would be in 2021.
[0:50:19.5] AMY MOORE: Yay, that’s so exciting.
[0:50:20.3] ANNA NEWELL JONES: With your book?
[0:50:21.8] ERYN EDDY: Yes, so my book will be released in 2021.
[0:50:24.6] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Ah, that’s so awesome. What’s your favorite song to sing? Do you have one?
[0:50:29.1] ERYN EDDY: I will always love Adele.
[0:50:33.4] AMY MOORE: Yes. That’s impressive, because we all know what voice she has.
[0:50:37.9] ERYN EDDY: I love Rolling in the Deep. It’s so fun to sing for me.
[0:50:44.0] AMY MOORE: You want to go for it?
[0:50:45.9] ERIN LINEHAN: I will sing in that. Like, here, here. Yeah, you want to sing something for us? Maybe that’s too much, but good job Amy. You went right up into that, Amy.
[0:50:54.2] ANNA NEWELL JONES: She’s put you on the spot. No warm up.
[0:51:01.9] ERYN EDDY: I think I’ll hurt your recording equipment if I sang.
[0:51:07.3] AMY MOORE: Well, we’ll link to something on the show notes or whatever.
[0:51:11.8] ERYN EDDY: Yeah. I’ve got so many music videos on YouTube that will woe you all. They’re like, ah, I look back and like, “Oh, my God. A sweet girl.” You thought you knew who you were, but that’s sweet.
[0:51:26.1] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That brings up another question I have for you. What would you tell your younger self?
[0:51:31.5] ERYN EDDY: What I would tell, that I didn’t tell myself?
[0:51:33.8] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Either way.
[0:51:34.1] ERIN LINEHAN: Maybe that she needed to hear.
[0:51:35.6] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah. That’s a good way to put it.
[0:51:37.4] ERYN EDDY: The opinions of others do not define who you are.
[0:51:42.6] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That is so good.
[0:51:44.8] AMY MOORE: So good.
[0:51:45.4] ERYN EDDY: The opinions of others to tell who I was.
[0:51:48.4] AMY MOORE: Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
[0:51:52.4] ERYN EDDY: Instead of knowing who I was.
[0:51:54.2] AMY MOORE: Yes. Right, right. It’s so great. It’s so great. Imagine if every little girl and boy. I mean, if every little human was brought up to really in your core, believe that. It would be a beautiful world.
[0:52:12.4] ERYN EDDY: Our decisions would be different.
[0:52:14.5] AMY MOORE: Yeah, that’s right. That’s right.
[0:52:16.2] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Eryn, you have some resources on soworthloving.com, right? Can you tell us about those? Then we have one more question for you to end the episode, but tell us about those resources you have.
[0:52:29.3] ERYN EDDY: Yes. If you go to soworthloving.com, we have a section on it, on the site called Grow. When you click on Grow, it is a whole page of resources that you can find, like crisis text hotline, depression, bipolar support line, eating disorder association line. We have listed all organizations that support somebody that’s going through, whether it’s grief, OCD, depression, anxiety, postpartum, mental illness, suicide, narcotic, sexaholic. I mean, and we linked an entire resource page for people to send to a friend that is going through maybe one of those things, or if they are going through that.
We want to be that bridge. We’re something who wants to be that bridge between not talking about our struggles and talking about it. It was such a priority for us to have just a page that it will help you to understand how to be a better friend.
[0:53:32.6] AMY MOORE: It’s so great.
[0:53:33.4] ERYN EDDY: That’s maybe wrestling through those and don’t know what organization to find and search for it. Because it’s like, when you go through that, you genuinely do not want a Google eating disorder through Google, because you just are already struggling with your eating disorder, or depression, or bipolar, or whatever it may be, it’s hard to Google.
We just wanted to create just a light space for you to be able to find help. We say and I just love this. I mean, our whole team says this, that a lighthouse does not choose the ships that it brings to safety and when we don’t either.
[0:54:08.0] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That’s so good.
[0:54:09.5] ERIN LINEHAN: It’s so good.
[0:54:10.0] AMY MOORE: It’s so good.
[0:54:11.6] ERIN LINEHAN: For our listeners, what advice would you give to our listeners who are supporting people that are struggling right now?
[0:54:20.5] ERYN EDDY: I think that I would encourage that person to make sure that they are confident within themselves and what they are going through and be as present as they can in their own journey and their own story. Because when they are, there is no threat, or judgment, or anger that takes place when you have a friend going through something. You are able to sit with them. It not be anything about you. It be about that person. You remove part of the emotion away when you’re confident in your own self and your story.
That’s why we say love you, love people. You’ve got to fully know and love yourself and all parts to fully be present for somebody else going through some stuff. I think if you have a friend that has said like, “Hey, I had an affair, or I’m cheating on my boyfriend.” Or you have a friend that’s like, “I’ve been struggling with throwing up my food. Or self-mutilation, I’ve been cutting my arm, or my legs, because I want to feel pain.” If you have somebody that says that to you, I think our immediate response is going to freak out if we don’t understand it, also if we’ve never done that; we’ve never done it, we don’t understand it. Why would they do that? Maybe start thinking those things.
I think if you have a friend that’s going through that, taking a deep breath and just going, “Okay, I’m going to – they’re telling me this. What an honor. Took a lot of bravery for them to even be honest. Because of that, I want to be a good friend. I’m going to respect that they said this – they shared their story with me. I’m not going to just blast it and tell other people. I’m going to figure out how to show up for them what does that mean? What does that mean? I’m not going to make them feel judged. I’m not going to make them feel cared of and loved and not crazy.” The answer to your thing is when you go through stuff, you feel you’re a little crazy.
[0:56:18.9] AMY MOORE: Yeah. I mean, we talk a lot on the podcast about holding space for people and how important that is. I think in addition to what you just said, if the listener is able to just hold space and really quietly listen and not provide unsolicited advice.
Because I feel in that freak out that so many people jump to, then it’s like, they all of a sudden start problem solving for that person right then and there. That is usually what the last thing that someone needs.
[0:56:52.3] ERYN EDDY: Yes, exactly. That’s exactly right. One of my friends said to me and I thought this was so beautiful. Their husband was struggling with some stuff. Instead of it being like, “I can’t believe you did that.” She was like, “It broke my heart that my best friend’s struggling.”
That to me is a woman that’s super confident in herself. Now I don’t know to me, that’s not the case-by-case, but I think that when we can – when we can just not freak out like you said and just hold space and go, “I hate that my friend is going through this right now. I hurt that they hurt.” You have a different level of compassion. I mean, I’m speaking that because I’d struggled hard with feeling that for my friend. I’m more speaking from a place of struggle than strength.
[0:57:47.0] AMY MOORE: Oh, so good. I feel we could just go on for another hour and keep talking to you. We are at the top of the hour, sadly. I think Anna has got her quirky question.
[0:58:04.5] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Quirky question.
[0:58:06.5] ERIN LINEHAN: I’ve pulled out some good question too.
[0:58:07.0] ANNA NEWELL JONES: You never know what you’re going to get. It’s just a random, fun question that is different for every one we interview. Okay, so the question for you Eryn is would you rather share a toothbrush with a random stranger, or kiss a random stranger on the mouth? Erin in the studio is looking at me –
[0:58:29.9] AMY MOORE: I know for sure what I would pick.
[0:58:31.8] ERIN LINEHAN: I know I’m sure what I would pick.
[0:58:34.4] ERYN EDDY: Love this. I would absolutely kiss a stranger on the mouth.
[0:58:39.3] AMY MOORE: Yes, agreed.
[0:58:41.1] ERIN LINEHAN: Toothbrush. Uh!
[0:58:41.9] AMY MOORE: Disgusting. Toothbrush.
[0:58:44.1] ERYN EDDY: I can get all up in there a little [inaudible 0:58:47.1].
[0:58:48.5] AMY MOORE: They’re plaque germs.
[0:58:49.8] ERIN LINEHAN: I mean, you don’t know their dental care.
[0:58:50.6] ERYN EDDY: Plaque germs. Gosh. You don’t know if they rinse that sucker good or not.
[0:58:56.6] ERIN LINEHAN: That’s right. Exactly.
[0:59:00.6] AMY MOORE: It’s a good one, Anna. Thank you.
[0:59:04.4] ERYN EDDY: That’s a good question. I love it.
[0:59:08.0] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Well Eryn, thank you so much.
[0:59:09.1] ERIN LINEHAN: Thank you so much.
[0:59:10.4] AMY MOORE: Really, thank you.
[0:59:11.7] ANNA NEWELL JONES: You are just a light and I am so thankful that we got to talk with you and find out more about your story and about So Worth Loving. Oh, my gosh. You are just a light and yeah. Thank you so much.
[0:59:23.5] AMY MOORE: In the world. The resources page, I think it just – it’s a gift to everybody. It’s a gift to friends who know people who are struggling and people who are struggling themselves. Thank you so much for putting that out there for all of us.
[0:59:37.3] ERYN EDDY: Gosh. Thank you all so much for having me. This is such a wonderful time. I just love it. This is such a wonderful time. I just loved it. I need to come visit you all soon.
[0:59:43.6] AMY MOORE: Yes. We would love it, especially once you get that Sprinter van. Just pick us up and then we’ll go up into the mountains.
[0:59:50.8] ERIN LINEHAN: That would be great.
[0:59:52.3] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah. We know all the places.
[0:59:53.0] ERYN EDDY: Get ready.
[0:59:55.1] AMY MOORE: Yes, it would be great. It would be great. Thank you so much, Eryn.
[0:59:58.6] ERIN LINEHAN: Thank you, Eryn.
[0:59:59.7] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Thank you.
[1:00:00.5] ERYN EDDY: Thank you all.
[1:00:01.0] AMY MOORE: We’ll be in touch. Okay.
[1:00:03.4] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Okay, bye.
[1:00:03.8] ERIN LINEHAN: Bye-bye.
[1:00:05.4] ERYN EDDY: Bye.
[END OF EPISODE]
[1:00:06.6] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Okay. We talk about connection. That’s what our deal is here. We have a six-step roadmap for instant connection. You can get that at connectionroadmap.com. It will give you the hook-up on what to do to get instantly connected with people in this world.
AMY MOORE: Remember, go to MyShapa.com and use the code LESSALONE50 for $50 OFF your Shapa Scale PLUS get FREE shipping!
[1:00:28.3] AMY MOORE: Thanks for listening. You can find more about this episode and a way to connect to the community at lessalonepodcast.com. If you like us, don’t forget to subscribe and be sure to leave a review. It helps other people find us and could be just what they need.