Season 1 FINALE! – EP10: The Most Complicated Connection of All – How I Learned to “Friend” Myself
We can’t believe it but we’ve come to the end of Season 1! This is the Season Finale episode of the Less Alone podcast!
In this episode we continue our conversation about our connection to ourselves. Now, we’re discussing our connection with our “higher” selves.
Through the work we’ve done on ourselves, we’ve been taken to a place of wanting, and being able to, show up as our authentic selves in the world. We’ve gone from looking outside of ourselves for validation and worth to a place where we’re more comfortable than even in who we truly are.
We talk about how our spiritual lives and connection to spirituality has changed over the course of our lives. We also get into the ways in which we can begin to find our true selves and connect with this person, and we share the role that meditation, yoga and self-help books have played in helping us to become the best version of ourselves.
And, if you thought that self-love is just another trendy word, think again. It is so important to understand that we cannot love anybody else if we do not love ourselves. Our relationship with ourselves is the foundation of all other connections we have, so we better we sure to nurture it! It’s time friend yourself!
Key Points From This Episode:
- Feedback on our experiences doing the hand-to-heart, hand-to-belly awareness nugget.
- The butterfly hug as a great self-soothing technique.
- Our upcoming live episode in Denver at the House of Pod!
- Erin’s connection to self in the form of being grounded and connected to her higher power.
- Anna’s journey of connecting with her spirituality rather than with a religion.
- Asking yourself what your priorities are when you are your best self.
- Some of the things we have done to grow in our connection to ourselves.
- Erin on meeting her healing touch mentor and deciding to train in it herself.
- The importance of open-mindedness and paying attention to the things that you are drawn to.
- The powerful moment when people understand self-love and self-compassion.
- How do we get to that point of being able to show up as our authentic selves?
- Developing yourself to the point of not caring as much what people think of you.
- How when we’re young we’re willing to change ourselves to what we think others will like.
- Being vulnerable only with people who have earned it.
- The power of sharing secrets and the “beautiful mess” effect.
- Developing a personal philosophy by asking yourself these four questions…
- An overview of what has stood out for each of us in Season 1.
- And much more!
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
- The Kali Institute
- House of Pod
- Barre3 and founder, Sadie Lincoln
- Brené Brown and her book: Daring Greatly
- Brianna Wiest
- Maya Angelou
- Andre Agassi
- Bohemian Rhapsody
- Wyn Wiley
- A Monument for the Anxious and Hopeful
- Outlier Podcast Festival
- Jessica Stillman
- 5280 Magazine
- Lisa Oliver Therapy on Instagram
Email us at Hello@LessAlonePodcast.com for a copy of the full transcript
P.S. Be sure to Rate, Review and Subscribe to the podcast in your favorite podcast player!
[00:00:01] AMY MOORE: We are three friends exploring connection, from the coffee shop to the podcast studio. I’m Amy.
[00:00:06] ANNA NEWELL JONES: And I’m Anna.
[00:00:07] ERIN LINEHAN: I’m Erin.
[00:00:15] AMY MOORE: Hey, everybody.
[00:00:15] ERIN LINEHAN: Hey, Amy. Hey, Anna!
[00:00:18] AMY MOORE: We are back in the podcast studio, and super happy to be here. All of you out there listening. We’re going to start off right away today with our awareness nugget from last episode.
[00:00:33] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah.
[00:00:33] AMY MOORE: Anna, what was it?
[00:00:34] ANNA NEWELL JONES: So it was the hand to your heart and belly at the same time and breathing. So, did you do it?
[00:00:42] ERIN LINEHAN: I did do it.
[00:00:44] AMY MOORE: I did it.
[00:00:44] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, it was awesome. I do that every night before I go to bed.
[00:00:46] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Oh, that’s a good habit.
[00:00:48] ERIN LINEHAN: And I use my Garmin watch.
[00:00:49] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That’s so healthy.
[00:00:50] ERIN LINEHAN: Well, I try so hard to be so healthy.
[00:00:53] ANNA NEWELL JONES: You’re like the healthiest, Erin.
[00:00:54] ERIN LINEHAN: Oh, but I need to – because I need to, or else I can’t function in the world. That’s why I do all these things. Why do you do all these things? Because I can’t get through the day unless I do them. So, that’s why I take good care of myself.
[00:01:09] AMY MOORE: Well, you’re winning. You win.
[00:01:11] ERIN LINEHAN: It’s true. I’m like, “I have good habits.” Well, I’d be fucking crazy if I didn’t. So, that’s that. So, yeah, I did it before I go to bed, and I got this Garmin watch that I love.
[00:01:20] AMY MOORE: You do love that thing. You talk about it all the time.
[00:01:24] ERIN LINEHAN: I love it so much.
[00:01:26] ANNA NEWELL JONES: How is your stress today, Erin? I have not heard.
[00:01:28] ERIN LINEHAN: Let me see. Well, my stress is –
[00:01:29] AMY MOORE: We get daily reports.
[00:01:30] ERIN LINEHAN: Daily reports. Oh, I got to wait 30 seconds. So, I’ll –
[00:01:34] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Oh, tell us in 30 seconds.
[00:01:35] ERIN LINEHAN: I’ll tell you.
[00:01:35] AMY MOORE: Oh boy!
[00:01:36] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, all right. 52. So, medium stress.
[00:01:40] AMY MOORE: Well, are you nervous for this episode, Erin?
[00:01:43] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Feeling some anxiety?
[00:01:45] ERIN LINEHAN: Maybe.
[00:01:46] AMY MOORE: All right, we’re bringing it back. Here we go. I’ll tell you when I did my hand to heart, hand to belly. So I have been having crazy sleep issues. Not sleeping very well these days, and I wake up –
[00:01:59] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That will jack some shit up big time.
[00:02:02] AMY MOORE: Yes, and I have been waking up 2AM. I see 2AM and I see 3AM all the time. But, I do the hand to heart and hand to belly during that, and I think it does really help me go back to sleep.
[00:02:18] ERIN LINEHAN: I love it.
[00:02:18] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Cool!
[00:02:18] AMY MOORE: Yeah, it’s been super helpful, really helpful. I mean, it’s not like automatic. It’s not like right away, but I do think that it just helps a lot.
[00:02:29] ERIN LINEHAN: It helps calm the system.
[00:02:30] AMY MOORE: Absolutely. Yeah.
[00:02:31] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I’ve been finding that I’ve been doing it when I’m in the shower and just trying to have like that mindfulness and I shut my eyes and I’m just like so serene. So serene.
[00:02:49] ERIN LINEHAN: Anna’s eyes have floated back in her head right now here in the studio.
[00:02:53] AMY MOORE: All right everybody. If you were able to do the awareness nugget, we would love to hear how it went for you. Did you like –
[00:02:59] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Did you like it? Love it? Hate it?
[00:03:00] AMY MOORE: Yeah, and that was a free therapist tidbit. So, thank you, Erin.
[00:03:06] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Thanks, Erin.
[00:03:08] AMY MOORE: Also, remember, we also talked about hands on the face. So maybe some of you tried that. I didn’t really do that one either.
[00:03:16] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Do you need to look in the mirror for that one?
[00:03:18] ERIN LINEHAN: No, you just have to like – as if you’re holding the face of – like if someone was having a hard time, or your kid, or your friend and you hold their face like, “Hey, I see you. I love you.”
[00:03:29] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That’s so sweet.
[00:03:30] ERIN LINEHAN: I use that a lot with people in sessions, and it is the most beautiful thing ever.
[00:03:35] AMY MOORE: Wait, do you hold their face?
[00:03:36] ERIN LINEHAN: No. I have them hold their own face. No.
[00:03:39] AMY MOORE: I’m just trying to visualize.
[00:03:40] ERIN LINEHAN: That shit just got weird in your sessions. Now what’s happening? No, they hold their face.
[00:03:45] AMY MOORE: Got it.
[00:03:45] ANNA NEWELL JONES: And now we spoon.
[00:03:47] ERIN LINEHAN: Yes, right. Did I tell you what kind of work I do?
[00:03:50] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Now, I cup your face and tell you how amazing you are.
[00:03:53] ERIN LINEHAN: And then they walked out of my office and never came back.
[00:03:55] AMY MOORE: Everyone, you can have this done at the Kali Institute.
[00:03:58] ERIN LINEHAN: Oh my god! Holy cow.
[00:04:02] AMY MOORE: No face cupping at the Kali Institute.
[00:04:04] ANNA NEWELL JONES: You know what? That kind of reminds me of sometimes when I’m super, super stressed, I’ll like put my arms around my side.
[00:04:09] ERIN LINEHAN: Butterfly hug.
[00:04:10] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Oh, butterfly hug.
[00:04:12] AMY MOORE: There’s a name for that, Anna. It’s called the butterfly hug.
[00:04:14] ANNA NEWELL JONES: And then I rub my hands like this.
[00:04:16] AMY MOORE: Yeah, it’s great. Self-soothing. Self-soothing.
[00:04:18] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah, self-soothing.
[00:04:19] AMY MOORE: Good job! All kinds of tips here today everybody.
[00:04:22] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Just so serene over here.
[00:04:25] AMY MOORE: Well, the good news is we’re talking about sooth soothing, and our topic for today’s episode is the connection to ourselves part II. So we are talking about connection to self, spirituality, mental, emotional and energetic parts. Just a skim on the surface.
[00:04:48] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Just keeping it light around here.
[00:04:50] AMY MOORE: So, with that, we are going – Oh, wait. We forgot to do our review.
[00:04:56] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Oh, yeah. You all have like been so awesome with the reviews and we really, really appreciate it so much. It means so much just you all sharing the podcast and the group. The lessalonepodcastgroup.com with your friends. It’s so awesome. Just sharing the tidbits from the episodes with your friends and – Oh my gosh! It means so much. It helps us so much, especially as a new podcast. This is the easiest, most helpful thing you can do to spread the word about what we’re doing, especially if you’re finding value in it.
[00:05:30] AMY MOORE: Yeah, and then you can help other people feel less lonely if you share it. So that’s the goal here. Okay, so I’m going to read this. It is a five-star review by Katrina. Thank you, Katrina. The subject reads “Like The Convos I Had With Old Friends…”
All right. It says, “These hosts have an easiness with each other and the conversation just flows. I think everyone will recognize that feeling of being with true friends who share interests and a sense of humor. The thing is, these days, we mostly live in different states from those old friends, right? What a perfect vibe for a podcast about connection. Amy, Anna and Erin, keep bringing up fascinating tidbits from news and research, weaving them with personal anecdotes and funny exchanges. It’s just like a natural conversation among interesting, engaged friends.”
[00:06:29] ERIN LINEHAN: That’s nice.
[00:06:29] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Thank you.
[00:06:30] ERIN LINEHAN: That’s so nice.
[00:06:31] AMY MOORE: High five, Katrina.
[00:06:32] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Gosh! Thank you so much.
[00:06:32] ERIN LINEHAN: I think we would have given you a heart hug if you were here.
[00:06:34] AMY MOORE: We might even do like a double sandwich.
[00:06:36] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, double sandwich, heart-to-heart hug.
[00:06:38] ANNA NEWELL JONES: We still need to get those up on our Instagram.
[00:06:41] AMY MOORE: Yeah, we will. So let’s go back to the conversation topic today of part II, connection with ourselves. Okay? So we’re going to focus on connection with self, spirituality, mental, emotional, energetic, all that stuff. One more thing that I forgot –
[00:07:02] ERIN LINEHAN: You needed to tell a joke?
[00:07:03] AMY MOORE: No, I wish.
[00:07:04] ERIN LINEHAN: Why does a chicken coup have only two doors?
[00:07:06] AMY MOORE: Why?
[00:07:07] ERIN LINEHAN: Because if it had four doors, it’d be a chicken sedan.
[00:07:16] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That’s such a dad joke.
[00:07:18] AMY MOORE: That is so good! Sorry. Oh, that is so good. I have to tell my kids that.
[00:07:24] ERIN LINEHAN: My nephews were at camp and I was reading and sending them postcards and I was like – We always tell jokes like with my sisters and my nephews]. I found it and I was like, “That’s the funniest thing I’ve read in awhile.”
[00:07:38] AMY MOORE: Okay. So I feel like so far we’re like boomeranging. It’s like out and out-in. But one more thing, we are going to have a live episode in Denver, people. So if you’re in Denver or you want to come to Denver –
[00:07:54] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah, come see us.
[00:07:56] AMY MOORE: We’re going to do a meet and greet and a live recording at the House of Pod.
[00:07:59] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Where we’re at right now.
[00:08:01] ERIN LINEHAN: And I like to give a shout out to the House of Pod, because they’ve been fantastic.
[00:08:05] ANNA NEWELL JONES: They’re the best. Kat and Paul, and Matt, the best. Matt’s not with them anymore.
[00:08:11] AMY MOORE: Okay, well. Kat and Paul have been awesome.
[00:08:13] AMY MOORE: They really are the best.
[00:08:15] ERIN LINEHAN: They really are the best and they have helped us learn all there is about pod stuff, and if you are in the Denver area and you’re interested in podcasting. This is the place that you want to come, because it’s amazing.
[00:08:24] AMY MOORE: 100%.
[00:08:25] ANNA NEWELL JONES: They’ve been so great. To have access to a professional studio and people who will answer like the little and big questions. So we came in and did a tour, and then an hour later, we’re on the phone with Paul, like, “Okay, we’ll take your biggest package. We’ll take the launch pod.”
[00:08:39] AMY MOORE: The 8-week training pack. Launch us to our first episode, and they’re good. They help get us there to launch the first episode.
[00:08:46] ERIN LINEHAN: Mostly, it’s my favorite thing ever, because Kat was my camper at Cheley Camps, and then when we came here and then I figured out –
[00:08:54] AMY MOORE: We should link to that camp.
[00:08:55] ERIN LINEHAN: Yes, and then it was – It makes my heart so happy.
[00:08:57] ANNA NEWELL JONES: What are the chances?
[00:08:58] AMY MOORE: Crazy.
[00:08:59] ERIN LINEHAN: I don’t know, but –
[00:09:00] AMY MOORE: All right. So, the live recording meet and greet will be here at the House of Pod on what day, Anna?
[00:09:07] ANNA NEWELL JONES: October 29th, I believe.
[00:09:08] AMY MOORE: October 29th, it’s a Tuesday.
[00:09:11] ERIN LINEHAN: I think 6, right?
[00:09:12] AMY MOORE: 6:30 to 9PM. The address here at House of Pod is 2565 Curtis Street. That’s in Denver 80205. So, we would love to have you.
[00:09:24] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Info is on our social media and on our website. So, definitely come and meet us and be on the show. That’d be so fun.
[00:09:31] AMY MOORE: That’d be so fun. Oh my gosh!
[00:09:32] ERIN LINEHAN: That’d be so fun.
[00:09:33] AMY MOORE: All right. So, now, here, boomerang back, right? Here we go. We’re coming back, part II, connection to self. We’re going to start off with a quote here from Brendon Francis, “At the inner most core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one’s lost self.” Good one, Brendon Francis.
[00:10:00] ERIN LINEHAN: I agree. That’s a really good one.
[00:10:01] AMY MOORE: That’s pretty important. That’s what we’re talking about today. So, Erin, what does connection to yourself mean to you?
[00:10:09] ERIN LINEHAN: That’s a small question.
[00:10:12] AMY MOORE: It’s very small. It’s the first one on the outline.
[00:10:14] ERIN LINEHAN: I feel –
[00:10:16] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Starting easy.
[00:10:17] ERIN LINEHAN: Yes, certainly. I think when I feel grounded, so I feel connected to the earth, but then I also feel connected to something bigger. I imagine – So, in the mornings, I do this meditation where I imagine that I’m connected to the ground and there’s like a cord of light that goes up through me and connects me to spirit or higher power or the divine or the universe or whatever. Then I try to stay in line with that.
So, when I can stay centered in myself, then I function, then I can take the day as it comes. When I get all out of whack, then that’s usually I don’t feel connected into me. So, all my stuff comes up. So I’ll get my insecurities come up. I get very reactive. But when I’m lined up, then I can feel more responsive and less reactive and I can pause.
I’m also way more joyful. When I’m in my body and connected with myself, then I’m like, “Oh! The mountains. Oh, these flowers.” Gratitude is like flowing, right? So, it just feels good and little things make like that’s what feels good. So, in a nutshell, that’s what I got.
[00:11:17] AMY MOORE: What about you, Anna?
[00:11:19] ANNA NEWELL JONES: So – Gosh! Yeah, this is big. I feel like I say that every episode. Gosh! This is the big one.
[00:11:25] AMY MOORE: Well, we do cover really light topics on this show.
[00:11:32] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Okay. So, connection to self. Okay, so I can’t help but think about my connection to like my higher power and spirituality. So, I grew up in a house where it was all about Catholicism and we went to church every single weekend, every Sunday. Did like Sunday school, all of those things, and was confirmed in the church. Went to a catholic high school when I was in Nebraska, and it was something that was just kind of a part of my life.
So, becoming an adult and then feeling super connected with that religion and not like it was something that meant something to me. So, I feel like my whole journey to getting to know myself and to be my true self has been such a life-long process, and this religion or spirituality piece has been like an integral part of this process and kind of making sense of it. So, this idea of a connection to a higher power not being connected to religion and being able to have like a relationship with a higher power that means something to me and that I actually feel connected with has been a journey all by itself.
So, one of the times I felt most connected to like my higher power or higher self or the universe was when we were in Moab camping, and I was seeing the sun set and rise on these gorgeous red rocks as we were like camping along this river, and it was just so gorgeous. I remember just thinking, “I don’t know what the heck is out there, but it’s bigger than me and it’s not me, and that’s the most important part.” I totally trust it and believe in it. So, it’s been a huge process to just be like, “What is it that I really –” I feel like in my 20s, my early 20s, I was really just kind of lost and didn’t know who I was. Then kind of hit bottom in a way and it’s been a process of like, “Oh, what do I really like and what does it mean to like be my true self?”
I feel like in the last year or two, I’ve been able to really through some different methods that we’ll talk about really get to know myself better. Through that, I’ve been able to show up in the world as someone that I’m proud to be and happy to be, and like now I feel like there’s this drive and pull for me to want to show up as my true self in all areas of my life, and that’s kind of my current journey and what I’m striving to do every day of my life.
[00:14:01] ERIN LINEHAN: That river road that you’re talking about in Moab, I remember the first time – Have you been there, Amy?
[00:14:05] AMY MOORE: Yeah.
[00:14:06] ANNA NEWELL JONES: What is that road?
[00:14:08] ERIN LINEHAN: Highway 128, I think. Highway 128, and you come around and it’s like the desert, desert, desert, and then you come around and it opens up into this most magical and majestic valley that there’s ever been. I remember the first time I was on that road, I was with my friend and we just started balling, because we’re like, “This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”
[00:14:30] ANNA NEWELL JONES: It’s so gorgeous.
[00:14:30] AMY MOORE: So, here’s an interesting tidbit.
[00:14:31] ERIN LINEHAN: What?
[00:14:32] AMY MOORE: Are you ready for this one?
[00:14:33] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, let’s hear it.
[00:14:34] ANNA NEWELL JONES: We love tidbits.
[00:14:34] AMY MOORE: When I was in college, a friend of mine and I, we drove across the country from Portland, Oregon to Hartford, Connecticut, and she had a big Chevy truck. This is a friend of mine that I just had the girl’s weekend with.
[00:14:47] ERIN LINEHAN: Oh, nice.
[00:14:48] AMY MOORE: I mean – Well, this is a while ago now. But, anyway, we thought it would be a great idea to hike naked in the Canyonlands. Canyonlands Buck. We only had our hiking boots on and a backpack.
[00:15:02] ERIN LINEHAN: Did you run into anyone?
[00:15:03] AMY MOORE: Yes, we did.
[00:15:04] ERIN LINEHAN: Oh my god! This is such a good story. What happened?
[00:15:09] AMY MOORE: We even have pictures.
[00:15:10] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Was it during the day?
[00:15:10] AMY MOORE: Oh, yeah.
[00:15:12] ERIN LINEHAN: What did the people do?
[00:15:13] AMY MOORE: We just kept walking and they just kept walking, because they were passing us. We were passing.
[00:15:18] ERIN LINEHAN: Like “Oh, hey!”
[00:15:20] AMY MOORE: Yeah. I think we were like – Then we just went out on the trail. Yeah.
[00:15:26] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Oh my word! That’s amazing.
[00:15:26] AMY MOORE: It’s so hot and we were like, “Well, here’s –”
[00:15:29] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Were you burnt?
[00:15:30] AMY MOORE: My butt got burned.
[00:15:32] ERIN LINEHAN: Oh my goodness. That is a great story.
[00:15:35] AMY MOORE: Yeah. That’s a real shout out for my friend.
[00:15:37] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I feel like we’d get along.
[00:15:39] AMY MOORE: You would. Yes. Yes. I think the two of you with all those girls, yeah. Yeah.
[00:15:46] ERIN LINEHAN: So, there’s that.
[00:15:47] AMY MOORE: Yeah, there’s that.
[00:15:48] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, so good.
[00:15:50] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Oh my god! That’s hilarious.
[00:15:51] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, fantastic.
[00:15:53] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Usually, I’m the one with the random stories.
[00:15:58] AMY MOORE: Oh, I’ve got random stories. We got to wait for season two, then my randoms will come out a little more.
[00:16:04] ERIN LINEHAN: There you go. Aha!
[00:16:07] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Oh, I love it. So, what about you, Amy?
[00:16:10] AMY MOORE: Yeah. So, I would say similarly to you, Anna, and you too, Erin. I mean, I grew up in a household where we went to church every Sunday, every Wednesday night, Sunday school. It was just like praying before every meal. Not Catholic, but Presbyterian and Lutheran. So, I would say that –
[00:16:33] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Like both at the same time?
[00:16:35] AMY MOORE: No, just because we moved a lot. So –
[00:16:37] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Oh, I see. Are they similar?
[00:16:39] AMY MOORE: I think so. Both Protestant, right?
[00:16:42] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Oh, okay.
[00:16:43] AMY MOORE: I mean, Lutheran is like super Midwest I feel like.
[00:16:49] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Super Midwest. You’re like slogan. Lutheran, like super Midwest.
[00:16:55] AMY MOORE: I don’t know if that’s accurate, but I feel like it.
[00:16:58] ANNA NEWELL JONES: It’s like in all the churches.
[00:16:59] ERIN LINEHAN: All right, bring this back.
[00:17:01] AMY MOORE: Okay. So, grew up with like religion around. Definitely went through the rebellious phase of that and thought, “No. Not for me. This isn’t even like real.” Then I feel like early 20s was like the rebellious, like questioning what is real? What is really out there? All that stuff and then just experimenting with all kinds of ideas and things and whatever.
[00:17:28] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That’s what the 20s are for.
[00:17:28] AMY MOORE: Yeah. Super angsty for me too. I mean, I just feel like –
[00:17:32] ERIN LINEHAN: Train wreck. That’s why I’m happy I keep on getting older.
[00:17:35] AMY MOORE: Yes, no kidding.
[00:17:35] ERIN LINEHAN: Yup. Not as dumb as I used to be.
[00:17:37] AMY MOORE: No kidding. No kidding. So, yeah, and then I feel like for me I really had to dig deeper into kind of like what you were saying, like who am I? What do I actually believe? I definitely have been a person like the people pleaser type. So, really trying to learn about who I am, what I want, what I believe is a journey. I mean, it is like – It’s like I don’t know if I’ll ever get off that train.
But, it has taken me all different places. I know I mentioned this in the first episode, but when I turned 40, I went to this retreat that was through Barre3, and Sadie Lincoln, the founder of Barre3, she led this workshop called Drop the Rock, and she really had us identify our top five core values and then our bottom, like our least important values, bottom five.
My top core value was and is spirituality, because I really do feel similarly to what you guys are saying, that if I am able to let go and like let a higher power, the universe or whatever, something bigger than me. If I can trust that and trust that things will be okay, I am a hell of a lot less angsty and I feel like someone I know, she says, like, “Are your hands clenched and facing down or are they like open and facing up?” And I kind of feel that way about when I’m in best-self, my palms are – My hands are open. They’re not clenched and they’re facing up and I’m able to just kind of ride the wave or ride this rollercoaster, which – Oh my God! Obviously, easier said than done a lot of the times.
Yeah, spirituality and then – Yeah, for me it’s something that has really changed overtime, has really been redefined. I think it’s such a big mindfulness, meditation, all of it. It’s kind of cool that we’re living today in 2019 where it is so – It comes up so much, and people are talking about it in schools and it just has such – Spirituality, meditation, all of that, it looks – I feel like it looks so different today than when we were kids. Really, the only –
[00:20:07] ERIN LINEHAN: It was church on Sundays.
[00:20:09] AMY MOORE: Yeah! So –
[00:20:11] ANNA NEWELL JONES: And I think something that really stood out to me about that workshop that you helped guide us through is that the question you asked us, that Sadie Lincoln originally led you through is when you’re your best self. What is something that’s a priority to you? Then like thinking about it like, “Okay. Now, these, based on who you are when you’re in best self, best place, what is a priority to you?”
Looking at things from that point of view of like who am I when I want when I’m in best place? Because I feel like it’s so easy to be like – for myself, guided by “the wrong things” when I’m not like in my best place or my best self place.
[00:20:59] AMY MOORE: Yeah, and I think with that exercise – And we’re going to get into like writing your own philosophy or story, but I would say – So it’s like spirituality, connection, gratitude, health and learning. Those are my top five, and I feel like, yeah, if I can align my life in that way, then I know I am where I want to be or who I want to be.
[00:21:25] ANNA NEWELL JONES: And just let everything else slide away.
[00:21:27] AMY MOORE: Yeah. Anyway. So, what have you guys done to like improve – I mean, I know I just talked about the retreat, right? But like what other things have you done to improve or grow your connection with yourself?
[00:21:43] ERIN LINEHAN: I’ve done a ton of therapy stuff. I remember that I was standing on the – When I was 25, I was standing in New York City with my best friend from college and we just got a hotdog across from Central Park and I was standing. She’d been in therapy for whatever. She says – I was like, “I don’t know why everyone is in therapy here. I don’t even have anything.”
Then three months later I had a breakdown and I was like, “Oh! Good thing, I’ve been in therapy ever since.” It’s just funny that you make a comment on that. I think like the different levels of like what needs to be healed, and it doesn’t – You just have to, I think, at the virtue of being a human being, you have to be in – Of course, I’m in the field, but then also for my own. I think that if you’re a therapist, you need to be doing your own work anyways.
But I think one of the – So there’s that part of things. But also, as part of my whole healing journey, I ran into this woman. I was at a Brene Brown conference before she got [inaudible 00:22:41].
[00:22:43] AMY MOORE: No.
[00:22:43] ERIN LINEHAN: Oh! So I was at a Brené Brown conference. This is before this Daring Greatly book came out. So, two days where he talked in Boulder and it was just – I don’t even think it’s sold out and I like told people about it and they were like, “Oh! Well, I don’t know if I can go.” It was $200 or something, and it’s like super special.
So, of course, I’m like balling through the whole thing. The second day I sat, I was like there by myself. So, I’m like, “Oh! You look for someone that you can sit next to.” So I was like, “Oh! She looks nice.” So, I sat next to her. Started chatting, and we’re talking and she like told me what she did, which was like some sort of – I don’t know how she described it, but it was like energy work, whatever.
So then I was like, “Oh, okay. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Then I went to have lunch and at lunch I was like, “I have to go see this lady. I need to go see her.” So I went to her and I came back and I was like, “I don’t know what – I just need to make a schedule an appointment with you. I’m not really sure how,” and she is now my healing touch mentor. So I went to her and that was the first time I went and I’m like, “I’ve never felt like so connected to myself in my body, my senses.” Everything was super alive. It was amazing.
So then I was like, “What the hell? What the hell?” because I’m very woo-woo, but very skeptical of all that stuff. When I’m like, “Are you sure?” Then I’m like, “Whatever. Waving pendulums and shit like that.” So, there’s that.
So, I went to her. Point being is that then I did a whole chunk of healing and then I was like, “I need to get trained in healing touch stuff.” But I went to this woman who has that Himalaya shop on 6th, or I think it was Sarita is what her name is and she did like some sort of astrology reading. At at that, I was like figuring out what I wanted to do next. She told me that I have healing hands and I was like, “Huh?”
Then I decided after that not because of what she said that I was going to get trained in healing touch. So, point being is that for most of life, even though I grew up in a very like catholic house, I knew that like I felt some sort of spiritual connection in myself and that there was something bigger than us. But those two things never felt lined up. So healing touch is all about like taking universal energy. So that could be a higher power or universal or it can be physics, because there’s the energy about us that connects everything. So that is like – My journey has been like the therapy stuff and also like getting inline spiritually has helped my healing and this connecting into. So, point being is that it’s been a long and bumpy road.
[00:25:16] AMY MOORE: And it’s become your life’s work.
[00:25:17] ERIN LINEHAN: Of course, yes. Yes. Yes, exactly. Yes.
[00:25:21] AMY MOORE: Yeah, that’s pretty cool. I would say as much as like I did rebel against religion and all of that, I also am like pretty grateful that there was something there, just in the home and like I saw people who had faith in something. I do feel like as much as like religion and whatever gets a bad rep, I respect the people who have faith.
[00:25:45] ERIN LINEHAN: Of course, absolutely. Yeah.
[00:25:48] AMY MOORE: Whatever that faith is in, whatever.
[00:25:50] ERIN LINEHAN: I volunteered with this program, this [inaudible 00:25:52] volunteer program in England, and while I was there speaking of like having faith, something about it was important and the nuns that we worked with were like – They had it in them regardless of what their beliefs were. During that process, oddly enough, I was like, “Maybe I could be a nun.” Then I figured out quickly that I could not be a nun.
[00:26:13] AMY MOORE: Not happening.
[00:26:14] ERIN LINEHAN: Not happening, but that whole like spiritual thing is I think – Yeah.
[00:26:19] AMY MOORE: There’s value there, no matter what it is.
[00:26:20] ERIN LINEHAN: Yes.
[00:26:21] AMY MOORE: Anna, what about you and what you’ve done? I know we’ve kind of touch on it a little bit, but was there anything else you wanted to add?
[00:26:28] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I think one of the biggest things I’ve done is being open-minded and just thinking about like trying to get to the authenticity piece and like who is it that I truly am and like being open to that idea of like just being curious about myself and that idea of like trusting my gut and trying to hone that ability.
I mean, I’ve done a therapy, like I feel like my whole life and all about the self-help books. Even thinking about my life today and how I’m considered an expert and wrote a book on how to get out of debt superfast. That’s something that I – I went to school for photography. Being in the personal finance field is not something that I intended to do, and it was only because of being open to something greater than myself or something that maybe this isn’t the plan I have for my life, but maybe this is somehow the message I’m supposed to deliver. I feel like my life has kind of evolved in a way that I didn’t plan and it’s better than I would have planned and I think it’s only because of being open to something else.
[00:27:46] AMY MOORE: How about even winning the podcast contest back in July in Denver? Like, “What?”
[00:27:55] ANNA NEWELL JONES: At the Outlier, yes.
[00:27:57] ERIN LINEHAN: Yes. Well, podcasting is not something that I thought – I love podcasts, but I never thought that we’d be making one.
[00:28:03] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah, exactly.
[00:28:05] ERIN LINEHAN: Because that was all on a whim, right? So, it’s crazy.
[00:28:09] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah. It’s like listening to that. If you have a pull inside of yourself to do something, like what is that pull and why – I don’t know. My whole life I’ve just been thinking like what is it? Like the podcast thing kept coming up and it was like, “Okay. We go to explore this. We got to like think about this.”
Just kind of paying attention to those things that have a hook in you or like is pulling you and it’s like, “Why am I so curious about?” There’s like this [inaudible 00:28:37] it said the things that you’re seeking are also seeking you.”
[00:28:41] ERIN LINEHAN: Oh, that’s good.
[00:28:42] AMY MOORE: Oh, that’s good. I like that. That’s good.
[00:28:43] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah, and it’s like, “Oh. Well, if I think about it like that.”
[00:28:48] AMY MOORE: Yeah. So, I think that –
[00:28:50] ERIN LINEHAN: What are the things you’ve done?
[00:28:51] AMY MOORE: Well, I think also therapy, to a lot of books. I mean, a lot of books. A lot of – For me, I’m a talker. I like to just talk about thoughts and feelings, and that really helps me like flush out whatever I might have going on inside.
[00:29:13] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Like a way to process it.
[00:29:14] AMY MOORE: Yeah. Just helps work through learning about who I am. But also I think just a real drive to be real, which has been with me since high school. There was something about just fakey – Remember that comment that the high school teacher made?
[00:29:34] ERIN LINEHAN: Fools don’t gather –
[00:29:37] AMY MOORE: Yeah, I don’t gather fools kindly. Come on. Just give it to me straight. Let’s just be real here. I feel like I can only be real if I am real with myself. That’s not always. I mean, there are certainly times in my life where I feel disconnected or something doesn’t quite feel right.
I mean, it’s interesting to hear you talk about things that are pulling at you, and just in my recent, real recent past, just having that nagging feeling of something not quite being right or whatever. Then it’s like, “Wow!” When I really like listen to that and then kind of I’m true to myself and kind of put my foot down. There’s consequences. Those are easier to deal with than – Or some are easier to deal with than others. But I think it’s all just part of my process of getting to know myself. So, there’s a ton of stuff.
Erin, I mean, it’s like why you have a job, right? So, we’ve talked about therapy. We’ve talked about books. There is meditation. There is yoga. What can you say about what you do for –
[00:30:43] ERIN LINEHAN: I think when we were talking about this episode, I was saying like this is the reason, a lot of the reason why I have a job, is because – Or why the work that I do, because to help people to find and connect to their true self and to find self-love, because I think that self-love, that whole quote about how you have to love yourself before you can love other people I thought was bullshit for a really long-time, because I didn’t know how to do that. Then when I finally figured out like whole self-love, self-compassion thing I was like, “Oh, yeah!” It’s an entirely switch.
I would say that one of my favorite things is it’s the most beautiful thing, is when that clicks for people and they can actually for the first time feel that in their bodies and feel like what loving themselves and self-compassion actually feels like. So powerful and it’s amazing.
[00:31:31] AMY MOORE: I think about that even with the hand, the hand to heart, hand to belly.
[00:31:35] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah. I mean, that’s why I do the work that I do, is because to help people to like work through their stuff and to remove those layers and to figure out how to nurture themselves and love themselves, it’s powerful. If people can do that, then they’re just better human beings and they could be more in touch and show up how they want to in the world without having all these shields that they have to carry around all the time.
[00:31:58] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I really like the idea of parenting yourself.
[00:32:02] ERIN LINEHAN: Oh! That’s so good.
[00:32:04] ANNA NEWELL JONES: And like being the parent.
[00:32:06] AMY MOORE: Being your own mother.
[00:32:06] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah. Be the parent that you needed.
[00:32:09] AMY MOORE: To yourself.
[00:32:12] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Because we all have our own relationships with our parents. It’s like they may or may not have been able to show up in a way that you needed. So it’s like, “What if I show up as the person I needed for myself?”
[00:32:27] AMY MOORE: Right, and how cool? We get to see that when we’re 40.
[00:32:28] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, exactly.
[00:32:29] AMY MOORE: Okay. There’s a really good quote that we have by Briana Wiest that we all thought would be good to read. So I’m going to take the time right now to do that. It says, “Let’s be clear about something. Not everybody heals. Not everybody becomes their best selves. It is wholly and completely possible that you die not ever having lived the life you wanted. If that scares you, good. It should. It should strike fear into the deepest cavern of your chest and reverberate out into every cell of your being. This is life. This can happen. If you do not want this to be your story, you need to act now. You need to work now. You need to change now. The time is now, not later. You do not have forever. None of us do. This is not a game. The risk you are really running is getting to the finish line only to realize you never did what you came to do, and now you can’t go back. Do it now. Start today. Remember what’s at stake.”
[00:33:46] ERIN LINEHAN: Hey, Briana, if you want to be on this podcast, if you hear this, give us a call.
[00:33:49] AMY MOORE: Please come. That is so good.
[00:33:52] ANNA NEWELL JONES: So good.
[00:33:53] AMY MOORE: Action, right?
[00:33:55] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah.
[00:33:55] AMY MOORE: Man, oh man!
[00:33:56] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Well, and it’s like – I mean, I feel like this podcast, the people that listen to this podcast are the perfect example of the people that want something more out of life. There are so many resources, like especially in this age of all this technology and everything is online. You can find anything you want. There is absolutely no excuse to not move forward if that’s something that you want.
[00:34:21] AMY MOORE: Well, and I would say to our audience too. I mean, obviously, the three of us do not have all the answers. So, like if all of you or any of you or one of you has anything that like you’ve done that has really helped you get to know yourself or like really something amazing, like for personal development or spirituality or whatever that is, please email or call or like –
[00:34:44] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Share in the Facebook Group.
[00:34:45] AMY MOORE: Share in the Facebook group.
[00:34:47] ANNA NEWELL JONES: lessalonepodcastgroup.com.
[00:34:48] AMY MOORE: Yeah. I mean, we could even do something with like accountability. The other thing I thought about is like, “Hey, would any of you be interested in –” We could run that workshop for them, the Five Core Values workshop. So, let us know.
[00:35:00] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That’s a great idea.
[00:35:00] AMY MOORE: Would you be interested. Anyway, lots of things.
[00:35:04] ANNA NEWELL JONES: My point is, and I don’t mean to be like harsh or act like we’re experts on this topic at all, but it’s like this stuff, the growth and getting to know yourself, it’s for people who want it. We all need it in theory, but it’s for people who want it.
[00:35:18] AMY MOORE: Right. Yup. Totally. So, with that, once you know yourself, how do you become authentic or how do you show up as your true self everywhere? I mean, Anna, you said it was even part of your – It’s your goal to show up as your true authentic self in every area of life, right? How do we do that? Obviously, there are ups and down. Better days, not so good days.
[00:35:44] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Oh, for sure. I think it takes practice. I mean, I think about when I was a kid, I was so painfully shy. I mean, I talked about this in the very first episode. I was so unable to show up as who I truly am, because of that shyness and anxiety that I had around other people. So, throughout the years, I’ve tried to do things. Like you said, Erin, of like removing those barriers and blocks and it’s like I can’t help but think about that idea of like we’re born perfect. Just the way we are, and then these other things come in place as barriers and protectors and it’s like then it’s a process of removing those to get to your true self.
So, part of my wants to say, “Oh, I wish I never had the shyness, or anxiety, or the struggles in my 20s, or hitting bottom, all in type of personality, and like my finances and spending and stuff like that.” But then I wouldn’t be who I am today. So, it’s like those struggles and those issues have a purpose and they all have worth to getting me to the point where I’m at today, and I don’t think I’d be able to have this goal of showing up in the world as my true self had I not had those obstacles when I did.
So, what was the question again?
[00:37:00] AMY MOORE: Just how do you be authentic? But I think like maybe like having those experiences and then like being honest about those experiences allows you to be vulnerable. Then –
[00:37:14] ERIN LINEHAN: It also sounds like you – Because Maya Angelo, when she was alive, talked a lot about belonging to herself. So there’s nowhere where she doesn’t feel like she fits, because she walks into places and she always belongs to herself. So it sounds like through your process, that you will feel like you’re belonging to yourself. When you belong to yourself, then like regardless of like fear comes up or insecurities come up or you feel slightly shy, like if you’re with you and you got you, then walking into any situation, then you can do it.
[00:37:43] AMY MOORE: Yeah, that’s super interesting and it also brings up like something we had talked about, talking about, can you be authentic while carring about what other people think?
[00:37:54] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I think so. I mean, I feel like –
[00:37:57] ERIN LINEHAN: I think it’s the people who are not – If you two say that I’m being an asshole, then like I would care about that. If someone random was like, “Oh, you’re a dickhead.” I don’t really care, because they don’t matter to me.
[00:38:08] ANNA NEWELL JONES: It’s like, “You don’t know me.”
[00:38:09] ERIN LINEHAN: Of course, I don’t want to be an asshole in the world, but if you two have like, “Hey, you need to really check yourself, because you’re being a dick today.” Then I’d be like, “Oh, I need to take that into consideration.”
[00:38:20] AMY MOORE: But think about the history we have.
[00:38:21] ERIN LINEHAN: Yes, but who is giving you the feedback? I can show up. But usually I’m not being an asshole if I’m authentically showing up.
[00:38:30] AMY MOORE: So here’s a good one. There was a post by Andrew [inaudible 00:38:34]. Sorry, Andrew. I think I just demolished your name. But malemagazine.com, and titled, “If You Want People to See You Differently, You Have to Stop Caring What They Think”.
In the article it says, “Amy Kim warns me that the only way to really change the way anyone, including your friends and coworkers, perceives your personality is to develop yourself until you don’t care what they think in the first place.” “By putting in the work to be stronger and a more confident person, you no longer care about what people think,” says Kim. “So it becomes a moot issue.”
So I think it’s an interesting thing. I think, for me, when I think about it personally, I can see in my life looking back when I was not being authentic, because I was too worried about what people thought or what someone thought. So, I would quiet myself, or I would quiet my gut feeling, or I would ignore it, or – I don’t know. Just whatever that would be, but I think I agree with Amy Kim. I would rather work on developing myself so much that it just does become a moot point, because I don’t care what people think. That would be my ideal self.
[00:39:54] ERIN LINEHAN: Because I think when we have developed ourselves, then we’re no longer looking to fit in. We feel like we belong. So, I think there’s a difference between fitting in and belonging. So, especially when I was talking about belonging to ourselves. If we can walk into any situation, then you’re not worried about fitting in with people, because sometimes we talk about this in other episodes, is that like we don’t need to fit in with everybody.
If I’m in a room of super models, say, I can start up a good conversation with people, but I don’t necessarily like fit in with these people, but I can belong, because I’m a human being. If I’m like okay in myself and showing up authentically, then I’m going to connect with something.
[00:40:29] AMY MOORE: Yes, totally. So, this other little tidbit from the same article says, “Kim further argues that even temporarily, manipulating your personality, per Clark’s suggestion, comes from a precarious place. “Only if you’re insecure do you feel like you need to manipulate yourself so that people’s perception of you is manipulated,” says Kim. It comes from an insecure position, which I think is like –
[00:40:58] ERIN LINEHAN: Yes.
[00:40:58] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah.
[00:40:58] AMY MOORE: High five, Kim.
[00:41:00] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yup. Well, and it makes me think about like relationships with boyfriends and stuff when I was in my 20s especially and like figuring that.
[00:41:10] ERIN LINEHAN: Wretched online dating process.
[00:41:13] AMY MOORE: I never did that. Thank God!
[00:41:16] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yes, same here.
[00:41:16] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Well, like the whole idea of like, “Oh, they –” I remember in second grade, I liked this guy who – Second grade. That’s young. But he had spikes and a mullet and I got spikes, a spiked mullet, because I thought, “Oh, that –”
[00:41:33] ERIN LINEHAN: Do you have a picture of that?
[00:41:35] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I have a picture. My second grade picture was like my grownups, spikes, mullet.
[00:41:39] ERIN LINEHAN: You never disappoint. I tell you what.
[00:41:42] AMY MOORE: That’s amazing.
[00:41:43] ERIN LINEHAN: Anna never disappoints with some random shit she talks about. Spiked mullet, and you could please bring a picture of that, because every episode, this is one of my favorite things. What the hell is Anna going to say today? We could have a whole Instagram series on like what the hell did Anna say.
[00:42:00] ANNA NEWELL JONES: What? Everybody did have a spiked mullet when they were in second grade.
[00:42:02] AMY MOORE: No, but that sounds amazing.
[00:42:03] ANNA NEWELL JONES: It was. But I was like, “This is going to be so cool. He’s really going to like me.
[00:42:08] ERIN LINEHAN: The soccer haircut when we were kids, right?
[00:42:11] AMY MOORE: It was hockey hair in Minnesota.
[00:42:12] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Andre Agassi, is that the guy?
[00:42:14] AMY MOORE: Aha! Yeah, tennis player.
[00:42:15] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah.
[00:42:18] ERIN LINEHAN: He had an amazing one.
[00:42:20] AMY MOORE: It was amazing.
[00:42:20] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah, but it’s like thinking about that. Growing up and being like how am I going to like morph myself to get this guy, usually, or these people that I want to like me to like me? It’s like coming from that place of not knowing who I was is that was a total insecurity and just saying like, “Maybe if I am this way, they’ll like me.” Rather than saying, “This is how I am and this is how they either like me or not.” You have to be really secure in yourself to be able to have the confidence to say something like that.
[00:42:55] ERIN LINEHAN: I’m there most of the time now, but –
[00:42:57] AMY MOORE: It’s, oh my god! It’s taken a long time though. We’ve talked about some like friendships even that we have like I was not a great friend to everybody, but I also know I was not like my authentic self all the time either. Just how that all – Just how much turmoil there is internally and then what happens externally and relationships fail and –
[00:43:24] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I was talking to a friend recently on text and a relationship she was in failed, and she’s like, “This is what happens when I show up and I’m vulnerable. They can just leave.” It’s like, but I had to call her out on this and I was like, “But were you really your true self? Were you really?” Because I know a little bit more about the situation that I’m not going to get into, were you using drugs or alcohol to mask who you truly are. Were you like showing up truly as your true self and then he rejected that, or did he reject the person that you were pretending to be and then it didn’t work? It’s like you can’t say, “Oh my gosh! I was so vulnerable and then was rejected,” when you weren’t truly your true self. When the reality is, is had you been able to be your true self, maybe things would have gone differently.
[00:44:13] ERIN LINEHAN: Ultimately like –
[00:44:15] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I had to call her out on that.
[00:44:15] ERIN LINEHAN: But with that, if someone didn’t want to be with me or someone doesn’t want to be friends with me, I don’t want to be like, “Don’t throw a pity party for –” Not that your friend was throwing a pity party, but if the other person doesn’t want to be with you or the person doesn’t want to be friends with you, then why the hell would you want to be – Yeah.
[00:44:32] AMY MOORE: Oh! Easier said than done though.
[00:44:34] ERIN LINEHAN: I know that it is, but ultimately, for myself, I would not – When I was doing online dating and stuff and I’m like, “I don’t know. If you don’t want to hang out, then like no,” or with friends or whatever. Yes, easier said than done, because it’s working through all those feelings and all of those things.
[00:44:50] AMY MOORE: But I do feel like –
[00:44:49] ANNA NEWELL JONES: No, and rejection, the idea of being rejected. That’s terrible.
[00:44:53] AMY MOORE: That’s terrible.
[00:44:54] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That sucks. Yeah, there’s no way that that’s like an easy thing.
[00:44:58] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, not saying it’s easy.
[00:44:59] ANNA NEWELL JONES: This is also like coming from the idea of like when we’re able to be the best version of ourselves. How are we relating to these relationships or these “rejections”?
[00:45:10] ERIN LINEHAN: It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt and it doesn’t mean that it’s like – But it doesn’t mean you don’t need to like work through all of the things that come up with the rejection, because that’s – In the end, after you work through all this stuff and the feelings and –
[00:45:22] AMY MOORE: And you love yourself.
[00:45:23] ERIN LINEHAN: Hey, good job! And you love yourself, then like you don’t want to be with a person that doesn’t want to be with you.
[00:45:29] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah. Actually, that reminds me of another friend who is like so mad that this girl doesn’t like him and it’s just like, “Why the fuck would you want to be with her? Are you kidding me? She doesn’t see how great you are?” “No.” I’m surprised, I told him, I’m like, “I’m surprised you’re not fucking so mad. Why would you want to be with someone that doesn’t see how great you are?” that idea.
When you think about it, like the idea of like how would my friend respond to this situation? Someone who truly loves you, if they’re like, “What the fuck? This person doesn’t see how great you are? Screw them. They don’t even – No. No. Should be just as mad at them as I am. You shouldn’t want to be with that person.” It’s like you’re not seeing how great you are.
[00:46:19] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, this is to build on that, but have you seen the movie Bohemian Rhapsody, the Queen movie?
[00:46:24] ANNA NEWELL JONES: No.
[00:46:24] ERIN LINEHAN: So, it’s super good. But there’s – I mean, it’s really good. So, the guy that plays Freddie Mercury, he’s having this incident with this – He’s like talking to this other dude and they have like this moment, I think they kissed and then he’s like, “Well, when you figure out how to love yourself, then I’ll come back and be your friend.”
But it’s like so – You can watch it, but it was such like a good moment. Then you could see on his face like, “Oh, you’re right. I don’t do that,” and it took him a long time and a lot of things to go through before that would happen. But I think that’s such a healthy way to look at relationships, is like the person – Both people need to love themselves before they can be together.
[00:47:05] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Just as you’re talking, I was thinking about how our friendship, the three of us, is so fulfilling in a lot of ways, because it’s not exhausting with like constant reassurance of like whatever it is. It’s like we can talk about things like most days. We’re not perfect humans, or whatever. That’s not the goal.
But like to be able to show up and not be constantly reassuring each other of like different things about – Do you know what I mean?
[00:47:39] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, absolutely. I’m just agreeing with you.
[00:47:41] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I feel like it’s because we have done a lot of work on ourselves and it has been such a process. I do have to say, I saw this guy in Patagonia, this photographer, Wyn Wiley is his name. I think that he goes by the He pronoun. I’m not totally sure. But he, today or just recently, posted about his birthday and turning 27 and I was just like – He said that he feels like the most true to himself than he’s ever been and having this persona of Patagonia dressing as a woman and having this persona. I was just like, “Wow! 27, to like be able to be that true to yourself and show up in a world in your truth.” It just seem like –
[00:48:22] ERIN LINEHAN: 27 is young to do that. Good work.
[00:48:23] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I was like, “Damn! That took me a long time.”
[00:48:25] ERIN LINEHAN: It took me a lot longer than that.
[00:48:27] ANNA NEWELL JONES: But I was just like, “Hell, yeah! Go you.”
[00:48:30] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, go you is right.
[00:48:32] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That’s so amazing. I’m just so – To have the courage, I mean that’s something huge to show up in that way. But I just can’t help but think about how he’s giving other people that gift of having the courage to show up as his true self. Anyway, I can’t help but think about him.
[00:48:49] AMY MOORE: So let’s just talk quick if we can about vulnerability, because I think that we touch on it a lot, but I know that we’ve talked about before how there’s kind of like a time in place to be vulnerable. It’s not like you can just go to work and be vulnerable with all your random coworkers or what have you. But what do you think about that?
[00:49:17] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah. I definitely think that you can’t just show up and start spouting out stuff in a work environment. I feel like that’s not necessarily in my opinion a safe space and I don’t know that it would go over that well in a professional environment.
[00:49:34] ERIN LINEHAN: Yes, always, because the – Not always, but even Brené Brown talks about like that you need to tell people like who you’re vulnerable with. Those are the people that have earned the right to hear your story, right? So, then it’s like have your coworkers earn that. No, or maybe they have, but then those are the people that you share with. But just like overtly being vulnerable, like –
[00:49:57] AMY MOORE: Just to be vulnerable, yeah.
[00:49:58] ERIN LINEHAN: That’s not – Yes.
[00:50:00] AMY MOORE: Yeah, like you have to have a history or like some kind of foundation.
[00:50:06] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah.
[00:50:23] ERIN LINEHAN: It’s a great name.
[00:50:24] AMY MOORE: Yeah.
[00:50:25] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That is awesome.
[00:50:26] AMY MOORE: I know! The museum goers were invited to write down their secrets on small pieces of paper and they could write or reveal their deepest fears and wishes. I think that that is one, like a really interesting and cool idea.
[00:50:44] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Super cool.
[00:50:44] ERIN LINEHAN: Have you ever heard of PostSecret?
[00:50:47] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Oh, yeah.
[00:50:47] ERIN LINEHAN: So, PostSecret, this guy created this website where he would have – People could send in all their secrets and the only criteria is that things that they’ve never told anyone before. So they would send them. I think he’s from Germantown, Maryland, and he did stacks and stacks and stacks and stacks, like rooms full I think now. Then ever week he’d post like whatever one stood out and then they’d post them. It was like the most fascinating – It’s such a great website just to be like, “Wow!” When I was into it, I haven’t looked at it in a while, but when I was into it, I would like look at it every week, because it was so interesting.
[00:51:20] AMY MOORE: I think actually there’s one for moms, young moms, like secrets of being a mom or something. I’ll have to look it up. Then the other thing is back at that Outliers Podcast Festival in Denver in July, someone was talking about doing that on their show. That was coming out of House of Pod, right? I don’t remember which show, but we should post to that.
[00:51:43] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, because that was – Yes.
[00:51:45] AMY MOORE: Yeah, all about just posting your secrets. But I think – So there is something called the beautiful mess effect. It says, “When others see our vulnerability, they might perceive something quite different than, say, weakness, inadequacy or flaw, but something alluring.” Alluring? What?
[00:52:07] ERIN LINEHAN: You’re doing great.
[00:52:06] AMY MOORE: Yeah, something alluring.
[00:52:09] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah!
[00:52:09] ERIN LINEHAN: Tricky one. Tricky. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. Yeah.
[00:52:17] AMY MOORE: Yeah. So, anyway, it’s a whole phenomenon that people are starting to study, and it suggests that everyone should be less afraid of opening up at least in certain cases. Again, if you have the foundation, right?
[00:52:30] ERIN LINEHAN: What is that whole Japanese art form, which I don’t know what it’s called, but when something breaks, then they like put it back together with gold, because like the broken is beautiful. So I don’t know what that is called, but it’s so – I love that.
[00:52:43] AMY MOORE: We have some follow up research to do.
[00:52:44] ERIN LINEHAN: We do have some follow up research to do.
[00:52:46] ANNA NEWELL JONES: We’re going to do some Googling here. Activate to Google.
[00:52:51] AMY MOORE: Activate, yes. So, I know we had talked about one thing that might really help with some of that authenticity. I’m just going to go back for a quick second, but we had talked about how it might be helpful and then also just like building the confidence to show up as your true self about having a personal philosophy.
Do you feel like you have that? I would say like mine kind of stems from that workshop, right? I feel like I’m like – I don’t mean to beat a dead horse here, but I know my five top core values, and that is a very – That is like a guiding philosophy for me, even though it’s just five words. They’re big words for me.
[00:53:32] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah. I would agree since we did that together, whenever we did that together, and I think about that often times when I’m on my runs, like, “Okay. Have they changed? Are they there? Am I doing this?” Because when I am living in that way, and so mine are spirituality, health, joy, financial stability and connection. So when I’m doing those things, then I – Because adventure is really important to me, but I feel really joyful when I’m on adventures. So that feels good. Trail running is super important to me, but that’s under health. So is eating well. So things fall in those places.
When I’m living in that way, then I can be authentically in myself. I’m connected spiritually. Like I feel the best version of myself. So, I do agree with you on that.
[00:54:13] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah, for sure. Gosh, I feel like – I can’t help but think about that workshop and how it’s like that’s truly the whole point of it, is to develop a personal philosophy that you go back to time and time again and you say, “How is it that I want to live and what is going to be my priority?”
[00:54:31] AMY MOORE: And where is my time going.
[00:54:32] ERIN LINEHAN: And the best version of yourself when you were talking about before is huge.
[00:54:36] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah, because it’s like when I am the best version of myself, what does that look like? What are the things that I’m prioritizing? Because I feel like especially in our digital age, this has come up throughout our whole season of these distractions and being pulled in all these different directions. But if you have a guiding light, if you have a personal philosophy of like, “What do I want my life to look like and what do I want to prioritize?” Then that’s something that you can’t help but let everything else slide away once you have that defined.
We definitely should offer this as a workshop to our listeners. My personal philosophy connection is huge, and using them as like an umbrella, like you said, Erin, is really helpful, and joy is one of the big ones. Another one that has come up quite a lot in this podcast is the idea of not taking things personally, and I always go back to that.
[00:55:27] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, you do say that a lot.
[00:55:28] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Holy cow! It’s helpful.
[00:55:29] ERIN LINEHAN: Super helpful.
[00:55:30] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah, and then also being open to that internal pull. So I feel like those are the things that are kind of like my philosophy. I mean, that internal pull –
[00:55:39] ERIN LINEHAN: Is that openness or curiosity?
[00:55:42] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Kind of both. I would think it’s curiosity about what that pull is and why and like trusting that. That’s definitely something that I have not been very good at throughout my entire life, and I think it’s something that has taken me a lot of practice to listen to it. Some decisions looking back on my life, it’s like, “You know what? I totally did not trust my gut on that.” I knew then and I didn’t listen to that, and it’s like, “Hmm. All right. I did not listen to that.”
So it’s like it really makes me want to be better about that going forward, and it’s like, “What would it look like if I did show up as my true self in every area and really listened to my gut and my instinct and show up as who I was put on this earth to be.
[00:56:27] ERIN LINEHAN: That’s what Freddie Mercury talks about in that movie. He, talks about – He totally talks about that, because we such – I mean, he was so – He was an amazing performer. He had a lot of like personal stuff, but he was like, “This is who I was meant to be on this earth.”
[00:56:42] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That is the goal. Who am I meant to be? What was I put on this world –
[00:56:47] ERIN LINEHAN: You could tell when he was like [inaudible 00:56:49]. He was so good.
[00:56:49] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That gets me fired up.
[00:56:52] AMY MOORE: That’s awesome.
[00:56:52] ERIN LINEHAN: Yes.
[00:56:53] AMY MOORE: So to help all of you out there, there are four questions you can ask yourself, and this is coming from Jessica Stillman on ink.com, and let’s see – So she has four questions that you can answer that will help you develop your own personal philosophy. The first one is; when I’m at my best, what beliefs lie just underneath the surface of my thoughts and actions? Number two; who demonstrates characteristics and qualities that are aligned with mine? Number three; what are those qualities? Number four; what are your favorite quotes or your favorite words? So, good, helpful hint or whatever I guess –
[00:57:42] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Then maybe at some point, we’ll get the workshop available to our listeners.
[00:57:47] AMY MOORE: Definitely. Let’s do it.
[00:57:47] ERIN LINEHAN: That’d be awesome.
[00:57:48] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah, I would love to do that. I think that’d be super helpful.
[00:57:50] AMY MOORE: Yeah. All right. So, you’ve got four questions to ask yourself to help with figuring out your own personal philosophy. We definitely want to end or wrap things up now since this is our last episode of the season.
[00:58:08] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah, season one finale. Holy cow!
[00:58:11] AMY MOORE: Oh my gosh!
[00:58:12] ANNA NEWELL JONES: We did.
[00:58:12] ERIN LINEHAN: We did it. Yeah, right? It has been a whirlwind.
[00:58:15] ANNA NEWELL JONES: And you’re all here listening.
[00:58:16] AMY MOORE: Yes, thank you. So, before we go on to like the final nugget or tidbit we’re going to live everybody with, what would you say, Anna, why don’t you start us off with like we’re wrapping our first season. What was your big takeaway or what did you really like get from these 10 episodes?
[00:58:37] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah. So, I feel like I can’t help but think about connection in every single area of my life. Because of this podcast and like hearing the feedback from other people too of like how it’s affected their life and their connections, which is so cool.
But probably, the biggest thing that I’ve gotten personally from this whole podcast, this season one, is from that episode about the internal drive and the connection to the internal drive and how on that episode I shared how I feel like, while I excel at pretty much everything I attempt in my life. Thank God! It’s something that’s a gift and sometimes not a gift.
But being a mediocre mom is something that was really hard to talk about on that episode, and I started – Since that episode. Having the deep, big sigh of like, “Oh, dear God. Here, I’m sharing something super, super personal.” I started showing up in my mothering in a way that I feel more proud about, and I can go to sleep at the end of the day and be like, “I showed up as a mom I want to be to Henry.”
[00:59:45] ERIN LINEHAN: That makes my heart so happy.
[00:59:47] ANNA NEWELL JONES: It made like such a huge difference to examine that say, “Here’s an area that I really truly need to work on for not just my sake, but for my son’s sake.” So, one of the main things I did is, and I talked about it in the following episode about some of the things I did right away. But I’ve been doing this idea of like the fake it till you make it, and I’ve been calling myself a supermom. Just changing the language around that has been very powerful, because you had talked about, Amy, about the trap that we get in of like not being enough and like that succumbing to the pressure that other people put on us, or society puts on us, and it’s like, “What is right now I say I’m a supermom?” Can I go with it? Then?
Wouldn’t you know it, I started showing up as a supermom. So, it’s like – And I start seeing myself as a supermom and suddenly my actions are different. So I’m now showing up as a mom I want to be and feeling proud about that at the end of the day. So, it goes without saying, that’s probably the biggest thing that I’ve gotten from season one.
[01:00:50] AMY MOORE: That’s awesome. Erin, what about you?
[01:00:53] ERIN LINEHAN: I think there’s twofold, is that it has been incredible to hear about connection, like to see the group on Facebook with the podcast grow and what people are having to say and the feedback. Just to hear about what people think of the podcast and like both positive and negative. What are they bringing to it has been – That’s been really great.
The other part of that is I feel like my – We wrote all these business goals at the beginning of the year, and one of my personal and professional goals was to come out of hiding and to stop hiding.
[01:01:27] AMY MOORE: Wow! You have done that.
[01:01:29] ERIN LINEHAN: To come out of hiding and not that I wasn’t showing up as myself, but I like wanted to step into myself and to the world and not be scared. So this podcast in particular, like I can’t hide on here, and so this has been so good.
Hard for me to do in a lot of ways, because I would have these conversations with both you when we’re having coffee, but to have these conversations and just like put them out into whatever. That has been the biggest thing, because it feels like terrifying and really good all at the same time.
[01:01:57] ANNA NEWELL JONES: You’re finding it exhilarating.
[01:01:59] ERIN LINEHAN: Yes, exactly. Yeah, it’s been – So, that’s been good. Also too the fact that I wrote down that I wanted to hang out. You were two of my three people that I wanted to hang out more. So I did this business thing at the beginning of the year and it was like, “List three people that you want to hang out with more,” and I put Anna and Amy on the list.
[01:02:16] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Who was your third person?
[01:02:17] ERIN LINEHAN: I don’t know. Yeah. Clearly, they got pushed to the side.
[01:02:23] AMY MOORE: We take up all your time.
[01:02:25] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I’m like, “Where are they?”
[01:02:27] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, you’re right. So, the two of them, and then that goal, because I did a vision board and all that stuff was to come out of hiding and like to show up. So, what would that look like if I did? So I had no idea that this podcast was even going to happen. So that feels – That is a direct result of that. Yeah, so that’s what I got.
[01:02:44] AMY MOORE: It’s good. Yeah.
[01:02:45] ANNA NEWELL JONES: What about you, Amy?
[01:02:50] AMY MOORE: Big, deep breath right there. This podcast for me, the season, has been full of – Oh my god! Like irony and examination and honesty and, like I’ve mentioned a few times throughout, we’ve recorded our first episode. Then my life pretty much turned upside down. Then we continued to record Episodes 2 through 10 while I have been going through this transition, which someday I’ll be more ready to talk about I supposed.
But the podcast just carried me through it. It gave me a lot of connection, which is so important to me, and I was not having connection at all really, if I’m honest about it, in an area of my life where I really needed it, and I got to be with you guys, and I got to get connected and feel loved.
[01:04:10] ERIN LINEHAN: There’s lots of that.
[01:04:11] AMY MOORE: Yeah. I really – I’m getting emotional here. Hang on.
[01:04:20] ERIN LINEHAN: Doing great.
[01:04:23] AMY MOORE: Yeah, I just feel like season one carried me through this transition, and there’s a long road ahead. But the gifts that have come out of this for us and just thinking about like people that we could be reaching and helping and all of that is –
[01:04:43] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I feel like it’s bigger than us. I’ve seen how it helped carry you.
[01:04:48] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, for sure it feels like it’s bigger than us.
[01:04:49] ANNA NEWELL JONES: And like this super hard situation you’ve been and how it’s like helped as like a positive fun thing that you’ve been able to have in your life and then just thinking about like –
[01:05:01] ERIN LINEHAN: The energy around it feels like we’re in the flow of things.
[01:05:06] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Well, even just like how everything with the podcast has happened, like even winning that pitch contest. We’ve talked about it a couple of times in this episode, but like back in July, like how things just have seamlessly happened and it’s like how and why is this happening, something bigger than us.
Talk about like in the flow of like a higher power or the universe and just like this is something that’s clearly needed. For us, personally, it’s been a huge gift, but then to think like how it could be reaching so many people and helping people and just having like its own purpose, as its own thing guiding other people. I just think like for us to be open and curious, I mean, just talking about the exact topic of this episode of being open to this pull of like why did this happen and how –
[01:05:55] ERIN LINEHAN: For us to have to be connected into ourselves to be able to show up like this. That’s part of all the stuff that we’re talking about on this episode. It’s like – What? Like this is what it’s all been for this whole season, and it will continue to be.
[01:06:07] AMY MOORE: And it just unfolded.
[01:06:09] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah.
[01:06:09] AMY MOORE: So with that, we want to thank all of you, our listeners, first and foremost.
[01:06:15] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Thank you so much, and it’s because of you that this exists.
[01:06:19] AMY MOORE: Oh, yeah. Yeah, undoubtedly. We do have a couple things. We will be having an article in 5280 Magazine.
[01:06:29] ANNA NEWELL JONES: A local Denver magazine.
[01:06:30] AMY MOORE: Local Denver magazine. Also, like we mentioned at the top of the show, we’re going to have a meet and greet or a live recording session at House of Pod on –
[01:06:44] ANNA NEWELL JONES: October 29th from 6:30 to 9.
[01:06:46] AMY MOORE: And the address is 2565 Curtis Street in Denver. So, it’d be great to see all of you there.
[01:06:54] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah, come and be on the episode.
[01:06:55] AMY MOORE: Yeah. Oh my gosh! It’d be so fun.
[01:06:57] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah, you have to come and talk to us. We want to get to know you. We want to take some selfies with you.
[01:07:03] ERIN LINEHAN: Sandwich hugs?
[01:07:04] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yes!
[01:07:04] AMY MOORE: Oh, sandwich hugs. We’ll give them out.
[01:07:05] ERIN LINEHAN: If you’re a hugger. Premium hugs, that’s right.
[01:07:08] AMY MOORE: Then, finally, our final season tidbit is connection bingo. Yeah.
[01:07:17] ANNA NEWELL JONES: This is by @LisaOliverTherapy on Instagram.
[01:07:20] ERIN LINEHAN: Her Instagram is so good.
[01:07:22] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah.
[01:07:22] AMY MOORE: @LisaOliverTherapy. So that will be on the show notes, right?
[01:07:27] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah. Finding ways to connect with people in our lives.
[01:07:31] AMY MOORE: Have some. Have –
[01:07:32] ERIN LINEHAN: Really awesome.
[01:07:35] AMY MOORE: Have fun playing some bingo.
[01:07:37] ERIN LINEHAN: And we will be back when we’re back.
[01:07:38] AMY MOORE: Until next time.
[01:07:39] ERIN LINEHAN: Yes. We’ll be back. Don’t worry.
[01:07:42] AMY MOORE: Don’t worry. So don’t forget, go to lessalonepodcast.com to access the show notes, links and resources from this episode.
[01:07:50] ANNA NEWELL JONES: And that is season one.
[01:07:53] ERIN LINEHAN: Season one.
[01:07:53] AMY MOORE: Whoo! Oh my gosh!
[01:07:54] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Peace out.
[01:07:54] ERIN LINEHAN: Thank you.
[01:07:54] AMY MOORE: Bye-bye.
[END OF EPISODE]
[01:08:00] AMY MOORE: Thanks for listening. You can find more about this episode and a way to connect to the community at lessalonepodcast.com, and if you like us, don’t forget to subscribe and be sure to leave a review. It helps other people find us and could be just what they need.