EP19: Our Finite, Yet Infinitely Grand Life w/ Sadie Lincoln of Barre3

Our Finite, Yet Infinitely Grand Life w/ Sadie Lincoln of Barre3 - Less Alone: A Podcast About Connection

SHOW NOTES

Being a rebel cheerleader, the process of constantly forgetting and remembering, what it means to “hold circle”, standing shoulder-to-shoulder, snapping out of auto-pilot, redefining what “success” in fitness means, how to honor our bodies in every moment, learning to take up space, giving the greatest gift of all: undivided attention, honoring the collective wisdom, and the great connection between birth and death.

We talk about all this and more in this interview episode with the kind and insightful, Sadie Lincoln, so be sure to tune in! 

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Intro and Outro Music Credit: Night Owl by Broke for Free from the Album Directionless EP (Creative Commons License)

P.S. Be sure to Rate, Review and Subscribe to the podcast in your favorite podcast player!

TRANSCRIPT

S2 EPISODE 19

[INTRODUCTION]

[0:00:00.6] ERIN LINEHAN: The contents of this show are for educational, informational and entertainment purposes only. Any information on the show does not create a client-therapist relationship and should not be taken as professional advice. Before making any decisions regarding your healthcare, ask your personal physician, or mental healthcare professional, or call 911 for any emergencies.

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[0:00:21.5] AMY MOORE: We are three friends exploring connection. From the coffee shop to the podcast studio. I’m Amy.

[0:00:26.6] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I’m Anna.

[0:00:27.6] ERIN LINEHAN: I’m Erin.

[0:00:35.2] ANNA NEWELL JONES: You want to get out of debt? I can help you get out of debt so fast. Get yourself hooked up with the debt-free roadmap. It will walk you through all the steps. I want to help you get to where you want to be. Debtfreeroadmap.com.

[EPISODE]

[0:00:50.1] AMY MOORE: Hey, everybody. We are back in the studio and so excited to have Sadie Lincoln on the show today.

[0:00:57.0] ERIN LINEHAN: Welcome, Sadie.

[0:00:58.2] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Hey, Sadie.

[0:00:59.1] SADIE LINCOLN: Hi.

[0:00:59.7] AMY MOORE: We’re just going to jump right into things and get started with explaining, I guess how this connection was made and why we asked Sadie for an interview. We’re so grateful that she said yes. 

I went to a Barre3 retreat, which I highly recommend to everybody if you have the opportunity. This was in 2018. It was my 40th birthday gift to myself. I went there. During that retreat, Sadie led a small, like a breakout workshop session about core values. It really was a game changer for me, because I was able to identify my top five core values and I was so excited about it. I came back to Denver. I actually reproduced the whole thing and did the same exercise for Anna and Erin and a friend.

Then it turns out that all of us had connection as one of our top five core values, and so the podcast was born. Here we are doing a podcast on connection and we get to have Sadie, who in some ways started this whole thing.

[0:02:14.1] SADIE LINCOLN: That’s cool.

[0:02:14.7] AMY MOORE: Yeah. Sadie, thanks so much for being here. If you just want to talk a little bit about your experience with that exercise, or where did you come up with the core values exercise.

[0:02:29.3] SADIE LINCOLN: Sure. It started a mish-mash of different exercises I’ve been through over the years. Just self-awareness tools that I’ve put together. One of them is The Rocks exercise, where there’s an empty container and you fill it with rocks, pebbles and sand. Depending on the order of things, you can get everything in the container. I find that many, many years ago a 24-hour fitness off-site actually, so probably when I was maybe 26-years-old. I’m 47 now.

It just so struck me. I’ve been borrowing from that over and over again. I feel that was maybe from Stephen Covey’s – Yeah. I don’t know. I actually should find that out. Then the core values exercise is a mash-up of different ones I’ve done. One of them was at Fast Company Innovation Festival in New York City. I attended a workshop and they did something really similar. We take some of those ideas and made it Barre3.

[0:03:31.8] AMY MOORE: That’s so awesome. Barre3 is your baby, one of them I suppose. I’m just wondering, can you tell our audience a bit about Barre3 and when you started it and the connection to community that you have really created with Barre3.

[0:03:54.5] SADIE LINCOLN: Sure. My husband to the state co-founder and I started barre3 in August 2008 and for a variety of reasons. He’d been on the fitness industry. I had been in the fitness industry my entire professional career since I was 19-years-old through college, grad school, my first job in [inaudible 0:04:13.8] fitness, where I was 11 years there at the headquarters, learning how to grow a business in fitness and a lot about the industry and what was working. Not necessarily what was making money, but what fitness was working.

It was always confusing to me that while fitness was on the rise and it had been since 1980, like upper right-hand corner, a really, really strong industry to this day that I think the fitness industry has grown quite the [inaudible 0:04:42.1] for the last 10 years. It’s a 30 billion-dollar industry now. It’s a big healthy industry. We read into sessions and all kinds of other issues. While fitness has been on the rise, continually, our health has been on the decline.

That was always really confusing and it still what I’m seeking a solace. I think a piece about the community question is a big piece of that, is that fitness isn’t just about building muscle and sweat. It’s not just about the external measures that we have all been conditioned to define fitness as. On these products and services in a certain order that you do to get to a certain result. That methodology from what I’ve observed and what the nation statistics show, does not work.

Part of that, our vision at Barre3 is to redefine success in fitness means. A piece of that is to add community into it and relationships. We believe that relationships are just as healthy, if not more and healthy than exercise. This is now evidence-based in recent years. Back in 2008, I just intuitively knew that and it was something – because when I really need it for our own health and well-being the sense of community and connection. Recently, there’s been a lot of research on that it’s really interesting. 

Loneliness is as much a predictor of longevity as smoking. It’s considered an illness. I mean, it is taking us down. Yeah. A big piece of what we started with our first studio was just this idea of let’s build a place, like a third place where people want to be and see themselves in this environment.

[0:06:31.6] ERIN LINEHAN: I’m curious about with that, since you were in traditional fitness and something and it sounds intuitively, you knew the direction that you wanted to go into, how did you get in touch with that and then how did you build that so that you knew the way to go with Barre3? Because I imagine, if you’re – I don’t want to say bombarded, but if you have all these things about what fitness should be and that doesn’t feel right to you, how did you know to listen to it, or how did you do that? Does that make sense?

[0:06:56.5] SADIE LINCOLN: Many years of investigating and not settling. Just a practice of noticing like, “Wow, I feel really uncomfortable in the fitness environment. Why is that?” Or, “I’m not truly fulfilled in my career. Why is that?” Chris and I, we call us out the window urns. We like to wonder about things. 

We would take long hikes and talk about things and just really investigate together how we were going to build a life that have more meaning to us. Some of the piece of it, I know one of my big turning points was when I was pregnant with my first child. That was a huge aha for me to realize how important my body is as it is, and to honor it in every moment, versus trying to exercise to change it.

For me, having – being pregnant with such a practice of looking inside and just being happy and exhilarated about every moment in how my body was changing in the moment, versus trying to change it. I think that’s such a lesson in life, because what I’ve observed and what we practice at Barre3 is every time you work out at Barre3, whether it’s 10 minutes or 60 minutes, we’re not practicing changing our bodies. We’re practicing being really present in our bodies and alive in our bodies and as they are. 

That’s the practice, because so many people are disassociated from their bodies. I learned that on my own. I just kept learning that. We’re like, “Wow, I’m not alone. I brought other people who really would like to have a new relationship with fitness as well.

[0:08:35.3] ERIN LINEHAN: Do you notice in your studios – I don’t know if you still teach the classes, but do you notice that when people, because I think when traditionally in fitness classes people are trying to change their bodies. Do you notice when people start coming more often that they sync into that like, “Oh, I can just be in my body and that’s okay.” Do you notice that change in people?

[0:08:54.7] SADIE LINCOLN: Yes, I do. It’s less about what I notice and more what I hear. We literally got – every single week, I’ll get a DM, or a message or a letter from someone showing their inner growth that they have experienced from Barre3. 

So many people say, “Oh, my gosh. Exactly. I’ve always known this.” It’s always bothered me to try to copy what other people do in their body, so that I could try to look like something else and people to look like to be worthy, to be successful, to be sexy, to be loved. We all know that. It’s more of people are like, “Oh, I remembered that that’s all bullshit.” The real work is looking inside. It’s not a learning, it’s really a remembering.

[0:09:41.9] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That is so good.

[0:09:42.6] AMY MOORE: It’s so good. I have to say from taking Barre3 classes, there are – so just before this episode, or just before this recording, I had to do my breathing, which is one of my – you know how the – you go down to the floor and then you go all the way up with your arms and down. 

That to me, and also just some of the more cardio movements where the instructors really encourage you to take up space with your body and then also the encouragement, I mean, in every class I’ve been to, the instructors encourages you to listen to your body, listen to your body.

There’s always modifications offered. I feel what I’ve gotten from classes is exactly like, “Oh, my gosh. I can listen to my body. I don’t have to be pushing, pushing, pushing.” I can also modify.” That’s okay, because someone – It’s being encouraged by the instructor. Then also, I think just that, the idea of taking up space and how that translates into so much else in life, being a woman and taking up space with my body.

[0:10:59.0] SADIE LINCOLN: Yeah. I’m really fascinated by the idea of embodiment, that we learn things physically and viscerally in the bodies. There’s so much a willingness now, which I’m really thankful for. Again, now it’s a little [inaudible 0:11:14.1] to put it into practice. That’s why there’s an awareness that yes, as women, we try a shrink into these smaller and smaller and smaller and quieter and quieter and quieter, so that we will fit in, so that we will belong, so that people approve of us, right?

It’s ridiculous. We all know that’s ridiculous. We know that in our mind and then to practice it in our body is a way to make sure we’re showing up that way, like counter to that. Filling that. If I have something to say, hear me. Here, I get to be on this planet just as much as you with this body that was given to me. I’m going to use it in a big way. I’m going to show up with it. I think the practice of it through the body is really important.

[0:12:00.4] ERIN LINEHAN: Did you have to learn that? Or was this a thing that you – was this a thing that you learned as a kid and then you had, or did you have to go through a similar process of learning to embody for yourself?

[0:12:12.1] SADIE LINCOLN: I didn’t learn it. I am learning it.

[0:12:13.9] ERIN LINEHAN: Learning. Yeah. Take it. Take it.

[0:12:17.0] SADIE LINCOLN: It’s not like all of a sudden you got it. Again, it’s that forgetting and then remembering, forgetting and then remembering. It truly is a practice.

[0:12:25.1] AMY MOORE: All right. It’s so true, I think to the practice of it all and then just to think of it, even as building a muscle. The more you practice, the stronger it’ll become, right?

[0:12:36.9] SADIE LINCOLN: Yeah. Yeah.

[0:12:39.7] AMY MOORE: You have built a really strong community in Barre3. That’s been my experience with Barre3, is just an incredible little shout out to Cherry Creek Barre3 in Denver. It’s just the women that are there, the environment that’s been created and really the community. 

When I was able to go to the retreat, the sense of community with people I had never met before was so strong at the retreat. I’m just wondering how have you done this? What is your connection to community and to community building and in your company? How have you done it?

[0:13:25.7] SADIE LINCOLN: I guess, my first instinct is just that like raising children, it’s less about what you say and more about how you show up. Just me remembering, like Dandapani who was at the retreat says – he’s a mindfulness teacher. He’s a really amazing friend of mine. He says when you show someone undivided attention, when you give someone your undivided attention and focus, there is no greater sign of love and respect than doing that. Just knowing that.

When I first opened my studio in a way, Chris and I standing in the lobby welcoming people and really looking at them and saying hi and getting to know them and their children and acknowledging them in a really human way. Then as we start to grow, it was like, okay, let’s invite the whole neighborhood in. Then it’s like if you’re having a dinner party, you have the new neighbors that come in the door. It’s new client comes in and you introduce them to the other clients. You just foster this sense of everybody’s welcome, everybody’s around the table for a reason, everybody matters.

That this space, this container, the studio is where you’ll be seen and heard and validated and allowed to tap into your brave space where you can change and grow and become a more authentic version of yourself. I get those values, those values and then acting upon those every single day. Then we attract employees, team members who love that about us. It’s not we have to teach people that value, they show up wanting to work for us because they already inherently have it. They get to just show up. I think it snowballed from there.

[0:15:12.7] AMY MOORE: Yeah. Yeah. Do you do the values exercise, or with your franchisees? Or even, well, I guess with the owners, with the other owners all over the country?

[0:15:26.9] SADIE LINCOLN: I haven’t. That’s been mostly for retreats. We do a lot of different – that’s one of our tools, but we have a lot of other tools.

[0:15:35.5] AMY MOORE: Yeah, I’m sure. Yeah.

[0:15:37.0] SADIE LINCOLN: We create connection. With our owners, we’re big on sitting in a circle shoulder-to-shoulder, where everybody can be seen and heard and have a voice and conversation. All of our trainings start in a circle. Instructor training for example, we take sometimes two hours for introductions, because every single person brings wisdom to the table. There’s so much to learn from every single person who’s attending the training.

We teach them in that moment that the master trainer is not the guru, that every single one of them will contribute to the collective wisdom by the end of the training, equally and how you show up and how you participate and contribute will make us all better. We have functions. We do circles and training. Our franchisees get together once a month and for what we call forum calls, which are Google calls. We have a 163 franchisers now.

[0:16:34.7] AMY MOORE: Wow, congratulations.

[0:16:37.1] SADIE LINCOLN: Thank you. They group in eight to 10 people and they are in a virtual circle. They can see the video of all of them on the screen and they peer-to-peer coach each other basically.

[0:16:48.6] ERIN LINEHAN: Oh, wow.

[0:16:49.1] SADIE LINCOLN: Yeah. We have systems in place to create connection and community.

[0:16:55.8] AMY MOORE: That’s awesome. A little bit about your childhood. I know that you talk about it a lot. For some of our listeners who have not heard about it, can you describe a little bit about how you grew up? Because it sounds like, I mean, really community was from what I know, community was very important to your childhood and how you grew up. I’m wondering what the connection is with your childhood and then starting Barre3 with the values that you have.

[0:17:29.9] SADIE LINCOLN: Yeah. My mom and her four best friends met in their 20s. They all ended up becoming single mothers and raised us kids together from a very young age. That I was born into it. I was born at home and my godmother was the first to welcome me and then handed me to my mom. She’s been one of my basically mother figures for my whole life. She actually just passed away, which was an incredible –

[0:17:57.6] AMY MOORE: Oh, I’m sorry.

[0:17:58.9] SADIE LINCOLN: Yeah. It was an incredible experience. We were all around her when she died and in a circle. For me, truly a full circle, because she welcomed me in and I welcomed her out. Yeah, it was pretty –

[0:18:12.8] ERIN LINEHAN: I’ve got tears in my eyes, because that’s –

[0:18:14.6] AMY MOORE: I know.

[0:18:15.4] ERIN LINEHAN: I got tears all the time, but then it’s so powerful.

[0:18:18.3] SADIE LINCOLN: It was. Witnessing a death is one of the most beautiful transformative experiences I’ve ever experienced.

[0:18:26.1] ERIN LINEHAN: Can I ask a question about that? This might be – I’ve had friends that have worked in hospice. They said when they can feel that someone’s spirit leaves the body, there’s a vibration in the air. Was that part of things for you?

[0:18:38.6] SADIE LINCOLN: Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

[0:18:41.2] AMY MOORE: How did it transform you? Or what happened? How would you explain that?

[0:18:46.5] SADIE LINCOLN: It’s a lot for me. It was a lot like labor, having a baby. I mean, it was just a lot of hard work. It was just hard. I mean, there are no words. I just would say it’s a true blessing. It’s a true privilege and blessing to be a part of it. To remember that we all – life is finite. 

How we spend our energy and manage our energy everyday matters. It’s just matters. That at the end of the day, having this family that my mom started so long ago still so close is beautiful. They’re all still – my aunties and their kids are my siblings and their kids are my nieces and nephews. We just have this unshakable tribe. We’re not related, none of us. My mom and I are related.

[0:19:39.1] AMY MOORE: That’s pretty amazing, just that. Let’s just take a pause there. Wow. How many siblings do you have?

[0:19:47.8] SADIE LINCOLN: I always get this question. Seven.

[0:19:50.9] AMY MOORE: Seven. Okay. Okay. Did you say there were four moms in the tribe?

[0:19:56.8] SADIE LINCOLN: Five.

[0:19:57.6] AMY MOORE: Five moms in the tribe. Okay. Okay. Oh wow, that’s awesome.

[0:20:00.9] ERIN LINEHAN: That’s so badass that they were just able to just – It’s just amazing that they kept that connection. That’s so powerful.

[0:20:09.7] SADIE LINCOLN: It is. It’s like they always say, they also did the work. It was a lot of work to stay close.

[0:20:17.0] AMY MOORE: I bet. Yeah.

[0:20:18.3] SADIE LINCOLN: Committed to each other. We just sit in circle a lot together as a family. We did lots of family rituals together. When each of us turned 18, they would do this bead ceremony to as a coming-of-age, going on to the next phase of life. People would bring a dream, or a poem, or a picture and share what they saw on us.

[0:20:42.6] AMY MOORE: Oh, wow.

[0:20:43.4] SADIE LINCOLN: Enlist for us in our next stage of life. When we all got pregnant, there is always rituals around pregnancy and babies and all the major transitions, where we drew the line, I’m the oldest, was when I got my period and my mom wanted to do that. I was like, “No, thank you.”

[0:21:02.1] ANNA NEWELL JONES: What did they want to do?

[0:21:03.7] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, it’s awesome.

[0:21:04.9] SADIE LINCOLN: I mean, I was a teenager. I was in the circle anyways, like just sit and talk about menstruation.

[0:21:12.1] ERIN LINEHAN: I’m going hide in the corner. What did they make me do? Yeah, no thanks. I feel that when they talk about a village to raise a kid, that’s like you lived that.

[0:21:23.3] AMY MOORE: Literally.

[0:21:24.5] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, that’s amazing.

[0:21:25.4] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Were you all in the same house?

[0:21:28.3] SADIE LINCOLN: No. We had various configurations over the years. A lot of roomating. My mom and Liz lived together for four years with Sophia and I, my sister. Then they moved and then – it was just different. We always rented. None of us ever owned until till later on, a lot later on. 

I moved 13 times by the time I was eight. We were constantly moving, very gipsy-like – When we settled in Eugene, Oregon, my mom and – they all started a weekly paper that started as what’s happening and then changed to Eugene Weekly, which today is the Eugene Weekly as the weekly. They started that together.

[0:22:08.6] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Oh, wow.

[0:22:09.3] SADIE LINCOLN: Yeah. That was neat for us to all witness them pull together as entrepreneurs and advocates for an alternative news channel. They did interesting things. They did a public access new show called Nuclear questions about nuclear energy. They did various things like that throughout our lives. My mom met my stepdad when I was eight and then we moved in together, but we still – our house was actually where a lot of the family gathered on weekends and holidays and stuff.

[0:22:40.1] ANNA NEWELL JONES: What did your stepdad think about this arrangement with your mom’s friends and the children? Was there conversation about that?

[0:22:50.2] SADIE LINCOLN: Any man who entered had to love it. It wasn’t an either/or situation.

[0:23:01.3] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah. It was like, this is just the situation.

[0:23:04.7] AMY MOORE: You have a brother, right? He was the other male, or do you have more than Miguel?

[0:23:11.2] SADIE LINCOLN: I have two brothers. Hayo and Miguel. I do have I should say a half-brother who is related to me, but from my dad, who I didn’t get to know my dad really well until I was about 18. I do have another, I moved out there.

[0:23:27.4] AMY MOORE: Okay. That’s a large tribe. I mean, to think about the parents involved, the parenting. I would guess that your aunties did, right? Did you see that? Did you consider them – would you confide in them more as a parent? Because I think of my aunts and uncles pretty different than a parent. What was your relationship like?

[0:23:52.0] SADIE LINCOLN: Yeah. More like an aunt. It’s cool, because yeah. It’s cool though – the other layer to it is that I wasn’t related to them. To have someone who’s third party not related to you and not obligated to you tell you over and over again that you’re an amazing person and that they see and hear you. To hear that validation from people who didn’t have to say that to me all the time, I think in retrospect really powerful.

I could go to them. I still can go to them as freely as I would go to my mom with some problem, a thing I was working through. In fact, during a rough spot in Barre3 history, they helped circle for me and helped me with business.

[0:24:37.1] AMY MOORE: Oh, wow.

[0:24:38.1] SADIE LINCOLN: Yeah. All of them added perspectives. Really, it was really about supporting me as an individual. It was pretty awesome.

[0:24:49.5] AMY MOORE: It really is. I think about just the importance of connection to humans. To think of coming from even if you did move a lot, which often times can be so disruptive to kids to move that much. 

Correct me if I’m wrong, I’d love to hear what your opinion is on what I’m thinking, but I would imagine that with all the connections of all your whole tribe, some of those transitions, or moving much, or being more transient would be – that would be the key really, is that you have this tribe of people with so many strong connections to you. Maybe was the moving so much, did you feel you always had a community? Maybe that’s my question. I’m just going to talk talk talk.

[0:25:41.9] SADIE LINCOLN: Yes. I definitely felt like I always had a community and you have to also realize this was my normal, I was born into it; I didn’t know anything else. Moving all those times wasn’t weird to me, because first of all, it wasn’t just me, it was these other kids and their moms. We just all did it. It was all normal.

I had to be more of a teenager and we got a little – we were more settled by then. It wasn’t like this was cool. I mean, now it’s cool when I talk about it. Back then I was like, they we were really alternatives and not normal. 

There’s definitely a dark side to living a path that’s different than everybody else. It’s hard for kids. I mean, I remember going to visit my grandparents who are super just normal traditional, leave it to beaver type family. I lived that I loved it so much. I loved having a schedule. I loved the consistency and security of my grandparents and their home. I think there’s always that – it’s not all sunshine and roses.

[0:26:54.0] ERIN LINEHAN: Did you rebel against it as a kid at all?

[0:26:56.9] SADIE LINCOLN: Well, if you think becoming a cheerleader —

[0:27:03.9] ERIN LINEHAN: Awesome.

[0:27:06.5] SADIE LINCOLN: Just caring so much about my clothing and my consumerism. We joked that I was like Alex P. Keaton on Family Ties. I don’t know if you guys have ever watched that.

[0:27:18.5] AMY MOORE: Yes, yes, yes.

[0:27:19.7] SADIE LINCOLN: He was like the conservative in a liberal family. Conservative, but I wanted to be.

[0:27:28.8] ERIN LINEHAN: The rituals that you did as a kid, do you bring those in with your kids now? Do you set up your family the same way?

[0:27:37.8] SADIE LINCOLN: Yes. I try. It’s sad, because my extended family, we’re all separated now. We don’t all live in the same city. If we did, I guarantee you we’d all be together holding a circle all the time. Especially my siblings. We talk on the phone all the time and we – I’ll touch base with them and we try to stay connected that way as much as possible.

I had a [inaudible 0:28:01.2] attend here in Portland who I love and their kids. I’d had circles with those families. Honestly, I think it’s a little uncomfortable for them, because it’s not – it’s just not their normal. I try to figure out how do I make this more acceptable, or not feel vulnerable. We are sitting in and talking. For the time, it’s really well-received and specifically, the kids love it.

[0:28:29.0] ERIN LINEHAN: When so when you talk about holding circle, really quick just to clear – just so that we have a better picture of that, what’s that mean for you?

[0:28:35.9] SADIE LINCOLN: Literally sitting in a circle on like in a living room, and/or around the dining table, or outside, just so everybody can see each other. Then having some kind of guided conversation, so that everybody’s seen and heard. It could be as simple as one word for everybody go around and say one word of how you’re feeling right now. Or it could be what are you most grateful for today? A thorn in the road. What’s the hard thing and the good thing?

It can be that simple. Sometimes, I’ll get where everybody draws a card. I have these different cards and there’s a sentiment on that card and you read your card and what it might mean to you. There’s lots of different ways we can have circle, but those are some of them.

[0:29:28.4] ERIN LINEHAN: It’s great.

[0:29:29.4] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Then how long does that typically last?

[0:29:32.0] SADIE LINCOLN: It can last three minutes, or it can last like an hour. It just depends on what everybody’s up to. I’m trying to think with the last time we did with the team what the question was. I think it was at yeah, what are you most looking forward to in summer, this summer? Something like that. It can be a really simple question, but honestly sometimes it just become a simple question off that.

[0:29:56.8] AMY MOORE: When your family held circle for you when there was a hard time in the Barre3 history, what was that – Is the intent to encourage you, or to give advice to you, or what does that one – what did that one look like?

[0:30:19.3] SADIE LINCOLN: It’s very fluid. The most structured about it is that we’re sitting in a circle and we’re supporting each other. Then just unspoken rules that you just are there for whoever needs you to be there for them. Let’s say we sat in circle and it was about – it was going to be the reason we came together is I was in town in Eugene and I had some stuff going on at Barre3. 

Then we sat in circle and my mom said, “Gosh, I had a dream last night that really reminded me of that time when blah, blah, blah.” Then a whole circle might change towards that. That’s how our family operates. It’s not just a practice of really listening to each other and showing up for each other. You don’t have to talk in a circle. There’s always permission to pass. It’s the only piece of being in circles, but sitting, being there and leaning in.

[0:31:14.3] AMY MOORE: It’s like exactly what Dandapani said, right? I mean, the undivided attention.

[0:31:19.5] SADIE LINCOLN: Oh, yeah. Exactly. There is no greater sign of love and respect than giving someone your undivided attention. Circle is a practice of doing that. We are so distracted. If you think about book clubs, or things like that where we’ve all are – that’s what we do to get together, the times I’ve gone, it’s been chaotic. People are screaming over each other, drinking wine. It’s not really connected. 

I’ll often leave social setting feeling depleted, versus that was a really rewarding conversation. I actually have a new workshop in my retreat that’s how I hold circle. It has a whole framing around it and some examples, whether it’s a birthday party, a book, or like a sister circle. Yeah.

[0:32:08.3] AMY MOORE: That is great.

[0:32:08.7] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That sounds amazing.

[0:32:11.0] AMY MOORE: The retreat, I was wondering is there a way that we could get our listeners to get in on that? That’s like the retreat.

[0:32:19.8] SADIE LINCOLN: That might be a whole another podcast.

[0:32:21.4] AMY MOORE: Yeah. Totally, totally. Well, we’ve have you back for that one.

[0:32:24.3] SADIE LINCOLN: It’s had to get that experience. I think part of it is experiencing it, as opposed to just understanding it. The other thing the circles, we sit in circles all the time. If you think about it like in a hot tub, team huddle around the dinner table, around the conference room table at work. We’re in circle all the time. It’s just adding that layer of intention behind it.

We’ve all committed to this time together. Let’s make it meaningful. Literally this last winter, I’ve invited some girlfriends over. It was snowing in Portland. We got in our hot tub in the backyard. We started. I noticed the conversation started to go down this rabbit hole of bitching about the school, which oh, it bugs me anyways. It’s bitching about the school and why the school isn’t good enough for kids.

I reined it in when I said – I just politely interrupted and I said, “Hey, let’s go around and I’d love to hear what book, what’s the last book you read and why you liked it, what you thought about it,” because I’m trying to – It just shifted the conversation instantly. It became fun again and interesting and enriching and more connected.

[0:33:31.5] ERIN LINEHAN: I’m curious in those things, so it sounds super supportive. Was there ever times when someone said something and it caused conflict within that and then how – yeah, I guess it did it caused conflict and then what happens after that?

[0:33:43.9] SADIE LINCOLN: I guess I’ve had heated conversations, but I don’t think there’s really anything wrong with that as long as it’s a safe space. Diversity of ideas is important and it’s important to be able to challenge other ways of thinking. That’s when if you can hold a really safe space where everybody doesn’t feel they’re going to be hurt or physically or mentally, then I think it’s really, really healthy to have diverse responses in a circle.

[0:34:16.1] AMY MOORE: It sounds like, I know intention is really big in your life, with even the circles and then the Barre3 community. Do you have core values, or do you have values that really have guided you in your life in general, but then also – because it just sounds even with your marriage, you sound so intentional. It’s really incredible to me. I was just wondering what is guiding you with those intentions?

[0:34:51.5] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Would you have a life philosophy, or what are your five –

[0:34:54.8] AMY MOORE: The five values? Yeah. Thanks. Yeah. Thanks, Anna.

[0:35:00.6] SADIE LINCOLN: I mean, a lot of it is intentional but again, it just have to underline that it is a practice. It’s not like I mean, I will go days on just on autopilot unconscious, you know sucking. Then as you pull out of it and it’s like, “Oh, my gosh. Wait a minute. I need to go out. I need a walk. I need to not watch TV, or get on whatever, social media. I need to go outside and walk with my dogs again.” Whatever it is, it’s the remembering I think is very important.

I think so many of us struggle with inner critic and just feeling we’re just – we should be that way all the time. I tended to surrender to the fact that we’re just not. There’s just – you just self-implode. My core values, I’m trying to remember the fifth one. I think it’s connection actually.

[0:35:52.2] AMY MOORE: Oh, really? Hey.

[0:35:54.3] SADIE LINCOLN: I think it is. I have to with gratitude, family, nature, spirituality and connection. They’re my five top.

[0:36:02.1] AMY MOORE: Sorry, can you repeat those one more time?

[0:36:05.7] SADIE LINCOLN: Gratitude, family, nature, spirituality and connection.

[0:36:13.1] AMY MOORE: I loved in the workshop how you – I think you pointed out how these different words can mean such different things to people. Really, it’s your own interpretation of it and whatever those five are, or whatever value someone chooses to live by. It could mean something to me and something else to you. Yeah, it’s good. Good stuff.

[0:36:44.7] ERIN LINEHAN: I get the sense when you were talking about the circles, I was going to say that before Amy asked her question. It feels like I’m all into energetic type of things and it feels it’s almost the community and the tribe that you have feels – the only words that are coming to my head, it feels like an energetic trust fall. You know that these people got you and that feels from the outside-in, feels that would be such a sense of safety and you know that people have you. I don’t know if it feels like that for you, but from the outside-in, it’s such a beautiful thing.

[0:37:19.2] SADIE LINCOLN: Yeah. I would say from the inside-out, that we can all have that. It’s not something spectacular that’s just me. I mean, so many of us, do you have this? It just takes a different shape and it has a different story or book cover to it. I think we all, humans need that. We need an energetic trust fall with the people around us, who we trust and love. It’s really, really important. That’s a whole loneliness piece that if we don’t have that, it’s really hard to thrive.

[0:37:48.8] ERIN LINEHAN: Absolutely.

[0:37:50.1] SADIE LINCOLN: The first way to have that is to go out in the world and look people in the eyes and let them in, let them in one person at a time. Sometimes it’s not your family. If your chosen family, my mom chose her family. She didn’t go with her biological family. I think it’s more important for all of us for sure.

[0:38:17.1] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Sadie, what personal work have you done? Obviously, we can tell you’ve done a lot of work on yourself. What have you done to get to where you’re at, to have all these insights?

[0:38:28.0] SADIE LINCOLN: Lately, I’ve been into the Enneagram. Do you guys know that?

[0:38:31.6] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah. What number are you?

[0:38:34.1] SADIE LINCOLN: Guess.

[0:38:36.6] ERIN LINEHAN: I don’t think I know you all enough to guess. Well, you’ve done a lot so you could be a three. Maybe you are a –

[0:38:43.7] SADIE LINCOLN: Yeah, I’m a three.

[0:38:44.3] ERIN LINEHAN: – a six. You’re a three? Okay.

[0:38:45.9] ANNA NEWELL JONES: All right. Yay.

[0:38:48.1] AMY MOORE: Yay. That’s good.

[0:38:50.6] ERIN LINEHAN: I’m a seven.

[0:38:51.2] SADIE LINCOLN: I’m a three with a two wing.

[0:38:52.9] ERIN LINEHAN: I’m a seven with a six.

[0:38:55.2] SADIE LINCOLN: Nice.

[0:38:56.0] AMY MOORE: Okay. I’m sorry, but I’m not entirely up to date on this. Can you guys explain a little bit about – what?

[0:39:04.1] ERIN LINEHAN: Probably you can do a better job than I can. Maybe.

[0:39:08.5] SADIE LINCOLN: First of all, it’s the Enneagram. E-N-N-E-A-G-R-A-M. It’s like a strengths finder, but it’s way more layered, I think and deep. It’s a relationship-oriented. There’s nine numbers in a wheel. Each number is about how you’re naturally in the world conditioned to show up. 

Then there’s so many layers. It’s like how you relate to the other numbers, how you relate to yourself. It’s just a really amazing way to understand yourself and in relationship to other people, which that’s what I like about it. My husband and I, it was so helpful for us to do it, because he’s a nine, he’s a peacemaker.

[0:39:52.3] ERIN LINEHAN: My husband too.

[0:39:53.4] SADIE LINCOLN: I’m a three. Oh, really? It’s wonderful. Maybe that’s why we’re still married. I also used to want him to stand up for me, for example. I wanted him to be that strong, like pick a side. He will never be that. It’s not in his nature to do that. 

The Enneagram helped me understand that and also understand where he needs to grow and where I need to grow? We actually help each other that way. I think the Enneagram started, it originated with Christian mysticism, which I think is really fascinating.

[0:40:29.8] AMY MOORE: Yes, exactly.

[0:40:30.9] SADIE LINCOLN: It does have a spiritual undertone to it that I really resonate with.

[0:40:34.4] ANNA NEWELL JONES: I’m surprised to hear that.

[0:40:36.4] SADIE LINCOLN: I know. I know. It’s interesting.

[0:40:38.1] AMY MOORE: Wait. What is the number three then, if a nine is a peacemaker?

[0:40:43.7] SADIE LINCOLN: Three is the achiever.

[0:40:46.7] AMY MOORE: That’s what I was in StrengthsFinder. Yeah.

[0:40:49.9] SADIE LINCOLN: Yeah. The way that it’s helped me is to remember that my natural way is to achieve, to be seen, to be heard, to be think I’m worthy, which is not healthy, right? It’s helping you remember my worth is not in my success and all the external things, being authentic to myself and my words and my wisdom and all these things. 

Threes have a lot harder time with that, because we think that it’s really important to achieve. That’s why we’re so motivated and driven. Recognition is really important to me so. Now, Chris knows when I’m walking down the stairs for date night he’s to tell me, “You look awesome.” I need that.

[0:41:28.8] AMY MOORE: Well done.

[0:41:29.9] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, that’s great.

[0:41:30.8] AMY MOORE: That is great.

[0:41:32.3] ANNA NEWELL JONES: He’s learned. That’s awesome. You’ve studied that. Have you done other things to get to a healthy place? Yeah, what kinds of things?

[0:41:42.1] SADIE LINCOLN: Well, meditation, deep talks, lots of deep talks, lots of people. Why am I drawing a blank? I don’t even know. I feel I’ve done a lot. Like yoga, yoga training. Oh, my newest, yeah, my latest obsession is astrology.

[0:41:58.0] AMY MOORE: It’s been a big astrological year, right?

[0:42:00.8] SADIE LINCOLN: I think it always is. Yeah.

[0:42:03.7] AMY MOORE: Wasn’t there some huge shift that just happened at the end of the summer?

[0:42:08.3] SADIE LINCOLN: I think that’s always the case.

[0:42:09.6] AMY MOORE: Is that always [inaudible 0:42:10.8].

[0:42:11.1] ERIN LINEHAN: Mercury is always in metro grade.

[0:42:15.7] AMY MOORE: Something came in alignment. Anyway, yeah. Anyway.

[0:42:19.8] SADIE LINCOLN: Yeah. I think I’m more interested, I have my own chart done and it’s so neat to have my own footprint to know where my – where everything lands every month. I have an amazing astrologer. She helps me track month-by-month what’s a natural rhythm for me based on where everything aligns in my chart.

[0:42:42.6] AMY MOORE: Does that include the rhythm of eating, of activity, of – what does that include?

[0:42:50.2] SADIE LINCOLN: Not really. Gosh, I’m so new in it that it’s hard to – There’s different houses in your chart, or there’s a house of spirituality, there’s a house of relationships, there’s a house of money, there’s a house of – I forget what they all are. Then wherever your planets align, then that month – there’s a month of rest. I think I’m in the month of rest, where this is a month where I just take a break. Then next month I think it’s the relationship month, where it’s really important for me to cultivate, think about relationships in my life.

I don’t know. It’s this whole matrix. I just like it. It’s not I’m going to ensure you Emily, which is the first to say, don’t make decisions based on this, but use it as a self-reflection and a entry point for inner awareness. Like, “Oh, that’s interesting. That really lines up with what’s going on in my chart.”

[0:43:45.6] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That’s so cool.

[0:43:46.9] AMY MOORE: Have you had your kids to have – have you had their charts done?

[0:43:50.5] SADIE LINCOLN: Yes, both of them. Yeah.

[0:43:54.4] AMY MOORE: What do they think? I mean, are they into it, or is it –

[0:43:57.2] SADIE LINCOLN: I had their birth charts done when they were both born.

[0:44:01.3] AMY MOORE: Oh, cool.

[0:44:02.2] SADIE LINCOLN: They actually haven’t had their own readings yet, but I should do that soon. That would be really fun to do.

[0:44:08.0] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Sadie, we have one more question for you –

[0:44:10.2] AMY MOORE: Oh, wait, wait, wait. Before we get to that, I was just hoping we could quick talk about the January challenge at Barre3, because it sounds like that’s a another shifting of fitness. Can you tell us a little bit about what’s happening in January?

[0:44:28.4] SADIE LINCOLN: Yeah. As I’ve been mentioning, it is a practice of remembering, right? Why we exercise is the practice in January. What I know and I don’t just think as I know this because I’ve witnessed it now over and over again, that when we change the way we think about fitness from something that’s going to enable us to change and to become a whole and happy someday, which that’s the message we’ve been told. If you think of the before and after picture, like you before, but if you do these things in this order, you’re going to be the after picture and then you’re finally going to be happy.

The after picture is imagined. It does not exist and it sucks us all up for shame and failure. If you think about it, even my own after picture isn’t after anymore. It’s in the past, right? There’s no presence in the after picture. Most of us buy fitness thinking that we’re going to be an after picture of someone else anyway. We’ll never be someone else. That mentality over and over again has driven so many of us to see fitness was a chore, as something outside of ourselves, that we don’t really identify with.

In fact, when I introduced myself at cocktail conversations and say what I do for a living, people always say, “Oh, I haven’t worked out in forever.” It’s like they even want to talk to me because they have so much to shame about fitness.

In January, we’re really looking to reshape our relationship with fitness. We’re doing a feelings-based challenge, where we have all these tools in place to assess how do I feel right now in my body? Oh well, my shoulders are tight. I feel anxious today. My head’s foggy. You just assess where you are.

Then as you’re working out, you ask yourself over and over again, what do I need right now? What do I need right now? That practice is in being honest about what you need in the moment, because we’re all so individual. Then exercising to meet you where you are. Then at the end, check-in again. How do I feel right now? We have all these ways to do that within our classes. We have these amazing sticker boards now with feelings-based mantras and self-awareness workbooks and a whole online program that goes with it. The whole idea at the end of this is that by the end of the month, we’re all going to be more alive and honest in our bodies just as they are and reaping fitness.

[0:46:48.0] ANNA NEWELL JONES: That’s so awesome.

[0:46:48.2] ERIN LINEHAN: It’s fantastic.

[0:46:49.1] AMY MOORE: It’s beautiful. Yeah.

[0:46:50.9] ANNA NEWELL JONES: It’s so different than what we’re just told all the time. It’s super refreshing.

[0:46:54.8] AMY MOORE: It really is. It really is. Everybody, make sure you go to your closest Barre3 studio and sign up and get involved in that awareness challenge.

[0:47:06.5] SADIE LINCOLN: If you don’t have a studio near you, this whole thing is available online. We do online streaming classes and the whole program online.

[0:47:14.5] AMY MOORE: Yes.

[0:47:14.1] ERIN LINEHAN: Great.

[0:47:15.1] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Very cool. Okay Sadie, last question for you. What would people be surprised to know about you?

[0:47:22.0] AMY MOORE: Oh, wait. Should we just say – so this is our super random question.

[0:47:25.1] ERIN LINEHAN: Super random question.

[0:47:25.6] AMY MOORE: We ask our – not just to throw this out there.

[0:47:28.3] ERIN LINEHAN: Would you rather be a centaur or a mermaid? You can answer if you want. This one is what would be people surprised – Anna always comes up with a doozy, so there you go.

[0:47:36.2] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Yeah. Take a minute to think about that one if you need to.

[0:47:40.7] ERIN LINEHAN: I might come out of right field. It’s Anna. It’s Anna.

[0:47:47.2] SADIE LINCOLN: I think people would be surprised to know that I have never played a sport in my entire life. I was not a dancer, a yogi, or a Pilates enthusiast and I’d never liked fitness or anything competitive my whole entire life growing up. Yes.

[0:48:03.8] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Wow.

[0:48:04.4] AMY MOORE: Have you grown an appreciation for that? Or you still feel that way?

[0:48:08.8] SADIE LINCOLN: Nope. Nope.

[0:48:10.9] ERIN LINEHAN: Which is so interesting that you’re an achiever.

[0:48:13.6] AMY MOORE: That is.

[0:48:14.0] SADIE LINCOLN: I know. Because I know don’t have a competitive bone in my body. I literally – I’m like, “You win.”

[0:48:24.5] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Wow. That’s awesome.

[0:48:26.3] AMY MOORE: Well Sadie, we are just so grateful that you took an hour out of your day and were able to talk with us and just get into these deeper questions. We are really grateful. If listeners want to follow up with you, or any questions, we will have an opportunity for them to do questions on our Facebook page. We’ll circle back with you about how to get that to them.

[0:48:56.6] SADIE LINCOLN: Great. Well, thank you. It’s been fun.

[0:48:59.7] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Thank you.

[0:49:00.1] ERIN LINEHAN: Yeah, thank you.

[0:49:00.8] AMY MOORE: Thank you so much, Sadie. Have a great day.

[0:49:04.4] SADIE LINCOLN: Thanks. Bye.

[0:49:05.5] ERIN LINEHAN: Bye.

[0:49:06.2] AMY MOORE: Bye.

[0:49:07.7] ANNA NEWELL JONES: Okay. We talk about connection. That’s what our deal is here. We have a six-step roadmap for instant connection. You can get that at connectionroadmap.com. It will give you the hook-up on what to do to get instantly connected with people in this world.

Amy Moore: Remember go to MyShapa.com and use the code LESSALONE for a FREE Shapa Scale (!!!) PLUS get FREE shipping when you sign up for a 12-month subscription to their app! 

[END OF EPISODE]

[0:49:29.1] AMY MOORE: Thanks for listening. You can find more about this episode and a way to connect to the community at lessalonepodcast.com. If you like us, don’t forget to subscribe and be sure to leave a review. It helps other people find us and could be just what they need.

[END]

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The contents of this show are for educational, informational and entertainment purposes only. The information on this show does not create a client-therapist relationship and should not be taken as professional advice. Before making any decisions regarding your healthcare, ask your personal physician or mental healthcare professional. Call 911 for emergencies.

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